Monday, March 14, 2005

Since I have roughly two gazillion tonnes of work to do (all of which must be finished by wednesday), I've decided, rather judiciously, to spend this time adding content to my spanking new bigfuck blog. I know some of you are currently reading this stuff and getting addicted as we speak. Yes, this is part of my evil plan - keep reading this site; eventually it will have lasers and shit. Like, really friggin big lasers. And spaceships. Also, reading bigfuck.blogspot.com will apparently make your dick grow longer and your boobs grow bigger, give you lots of money and also stop you from dying.*

Anyway, first things first - more bullshit about this site:
I like it when people read my blog; I'm just an exhibitionist like that. So yes, please tell your friends about it, link to my site, tell me if you want me to link to yours, etc, etc, etc. Look at all the effort I put into making this beautiful blog. Ok, maybe it's not beautiful, but whatever. At least I don't write about stupid shit like the colour of my girlfriend's hair (on her head or otherwise) or quote song lyrics which I think are 'deeply meaningful' or kiss all my friends' collective asses. Also, I have pictures now. Everybody loves pictures, right? So LINK TO ME!!! I'M AN ATTENTION WHORE!!! DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!!! Also, seeing what a net slut I am, I'll probably update. Trust me, I'm a huge net slut. So there'll be stuff to read. I know you love this shit. Everyone does. Yeah.

Next up:
Apparently I'm fucking famous (ok, not really, but a little bit). Here's an excerpt from the latest Chicago Weekly News:


"the one moment in the show that epitomized this spirit was when model Joel Tan walked out in a full ski mask and orange prison jump suit. As he reached the end of the catwalk and ripped off his mask to the sound of the cheering crowd I felt like I had honestly seen the UofC flair. Don't laugh. Weird, quirky, unashamed, and decidedly uncommon. He owned his look and that was what mattered. May we all be Joel Tans."

So yeah, I'm just waiting for my adoring fans to materialize. Girls who want to proposition me for sex can email me at jschnorng@gmail.com. Send a body shot. Or money. I'm pretty cheap. The writer of the article also failed to mention that I'm fluent in a whole bunch of languages, occasionally work in orphanages, have a rudimentary knowledge of martial arts and also cook better than 75% of the male population (according to me anyway). Also, I'm not making any of this up. Holy shit, I'm really not. I just realized that. I sound fucking hot, don't I? Yeah, I know you want me, baby. Yeah, so I wear a ski mask sometimes, and might be a bit of a sketchy dude from time to time, but I swear, it's just to add to my air of mystery. I'm all about that air of mystery.

Third on the agenda:
So, I heard back from grad school. I didn't get into my goddamn psychology PhD program. If I believed in emoticons, I'd put a frowny face here. Unfortunately, I fucking hate emoticons (fucking angry face). Emoticons suck (angry face hitting a bunny over the head, because bunnies are so fucking annoying). Why, do you ask are emoticons annoying (face with question mark)? Mainly because every time I see an emoticon, I have to go, what the fuck is that scrunched up face trying to say? Is it a happy face? A sad face? A face that means I'm going to get sex from the person in question? What the fuck is that face (Insert frustrated face punching itself here)? More importantly, why can't said person write what the fuck they're feeling in english? My eyes are bad, my english is ok. Do the math. Oh, also, even with a large database of emoticons, I'd still have great difficulty finding the custom emoticons which best express me (bloated face pointing to myself; caption: I'm the man, bitches); it's a lot easier for me to refer to these said emotions in brackets, doncha think (smiley face, except cocky because I'm so damn clever).

Shit, sorry for digressing. Anyway, instead of the PhD program, I got into the MAPSS (Master of Arts Program in the Social Sciences). I suppose this is alright news due to the fact that a) I don't know what to do with my life anyway, b) I wouldn't have to pack my life up and leave, c) they're giving me some money to go here (ok, actually no they aren't, they're just giving me discounted tuition, the stingy bastards) and err d) I'm really goddamn lazy. On the down side, my roommate has stated that she no longer wishes to live with me, which brings me to another main point in today's blog:

WHO WANTS TO LIVE WITH ME? (Replies to this will determine whether I stay in Chicago or decide to fuck off)

I'm clean (relatively), of legal age (nudge nudge, wink wink), I can cook (as long as you eat at home), hopefully won't be smoking next year, my apartment is nice and spacious (and, contrary to popular opinion, not that far from campus at all) and also goes at quite a reasonable rate. I know you're interested. Unfortunately, I don't have many pictures of my apartment, so these will have to suffice:


As you can see, my place is totally party central; this is the living room



Errr...this is the living room again. I just realized I don't have any other pictures of my place. Fuck. Anyway, it's nice. Really. Everyone says so. Unless it's trashed, but that's their fault. Yeah. So anyway....

Anyone who wants to live with me, well, leave a quickie or, once again, my email is jschnorng@gmail.com. Aiight.

I was going to include some random rant here as well, but dang it, look at the time! I really must get back to being a productive student. Considering I just spent most of the day sitting around in my sweat pants (yes, I know, I'm pathetic) things are not going well. Alright. That's it for now then. Damn straight.

* - If you don't believe me about this, ask Prajit Chulalongkorn, my trannie friend from Thailand. Apparently, s/he reported that not only did all the above happen, all his/her dreams also magically came true. Didn't work for you? Err...sorry about that; maybe you just haven't been reading this site long enough. These things take time, you know!

9 Comments:

Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

Gah ha ha! You're good. Better than me.

14/3/05 22:09  
Anonymous Trixyy spewed forth...

Not bad! Cool blog.

15/3/05 00:01  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

15/3/05 07:50  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Dude, you are fucking hilarious. I'm linking you right away!

15/3/05 08:01  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

You guys rock so hard I can feel the vibrations in my nutsack. Once I get the site up and running (probably some time near the end of this week) I'll link you guys back, mang.

15/3/05 11:16  
Anonymous mike spewed forth...

that's right ladies. i can vouch for him. he really does work in orphanages... and not just any orphanages, *tokyo* orphanages.

16/3/05 01:08  
Blogger kalisekj spewed forth...

Hey, I have enjoyed...your blog is informative - even entertaining.

I have a halloween sites. They pretty much covers costumes and masks related stuff.

Thanks again and I'll be sure to bookmark you.

4/10/05 18:13  
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29/3/07 02:34  

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