Sunday, March 20, 2005

Toronto: A City With Lots of Buildings In It.

So I just got back from Toronto last night; I'm all unpacked and rested, and now have got around to blogging about it. I know, my faithful fans (all 3 of you) must be excited. In today's entry, I share what I've been up to for the past couple days. It's totally awesome, mainly because my life totally rocks and you wish you were me. Except maybe smarter. And maybe a little richer. But yeah, whatever.

Anyway, having left in a complete hurry on Thursday morning, I neglected to bring a camera on my trip. Some people would say that this was caused in part by the fact that I do not have a camera. This may be true. Perhaps, if I had a camera, I would have been more likely to bring it. Well, it's too late for thoughts like that now, isn't it? Fortunately, my buddy was there to take a couple pictures for me. Unfortunately, I don't have them all, and said buddy is leaving for Alaska tomorrow. Fortunately, I have an idea.

So, we were at Niagara Falls (which, as far as waterfalls go, is a pretty big waterfall) and there was this guy who took your photo against a green background, and then gave it to these guys who would photoshop Niagara Falls into the background. This gave me a clever idea - instead of boring you all to tears with a pictureless account of my trip, I will instead painstakingly recreate the pictures I took in Toronto. Don't worry, given my superb photo editing skills, these shots are all about 97% similar to the shots my friend has in his camera. Really. I'm that good.

So, we arrived in Toronto on Thursday night. It looked something like this:

Ok, maybe it didn't look like that at all, but we were tired, so we hung out at Chinatown for a while, then went to sleep. Anyway, any pictures would totally have turned out like that, because it was so damn dark. Seriously.

So, the next morning, we went to see the CN tower. It did not at all resemble the Seattle tower. Ok, maybe it did a little bit, but it was cool in a totally different way. I was a little disappointed at the fact that it wasn't all that tall, though.

I was taking a picture with the tower, and I almost knocked it over. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'man, that picture is complete bullshit; the CN tower is taller than that!'

No, it isn't. I happen to be a couple thousand feet tall, thus the picture is 100% accurate. Or maybe 98%, because I look 2% cooler in real life. And also shoot lasers.

So, after seeing the tower, my friend and I were hungry, so we went for brunch at St. Lawrence's market. It was a nice, quaint sort of place, and the peameal ham sandwich was really tasty. Man, I love eating pig, especially when it was juicy. We decided we had to take a picture of the market.

My friend said we had to retake the shot, seeing as to how I blocked the sign, so we took another shot.

I was happy with this picture, but he said I was still blocking the pole thingy in the background, and told me to move to my right. I was all, like, 'but then you'll barely see me!'

SEE WHAT I MEAN? This picture totally sucks! Being the clever dude that I am, however, I decided to animate the three pictures - this way you get the best of both worlds, seeing both the market and me. Unfortunately, none of the image hosting services that I use support animated gifs. You can see the glorious gif in question here; it's like a home video, only slower. And possibly more fantastic.

After this, we walked around a little more, and eventually ended up in Chinatown. Seeing as to the fact that I'm damn huge, we only managed to take a picture of my shin. You can see all the signs in chinatown, though. Several of them were in Chinese. It's lucky that I speak Chinese; I'm a good Singaporean like that. However, it's not so lucky that I'm huge. I squished a lot of people. Next time I will be more careful when I walk.

After a fun-filled friday, we went to Niagara Falls on Saturday. My friend said, 'eh, if you jump off the waterfall, I bet a damn lot of people will visit your site,' so I did it. Here is proof:

Boy, did my feet get wet. Niagara Falls is goddamn wet. It's as if it's raining all the time, except it's also cold, and everyone just freezes their ass off. There's a 'journey behind the falls' thing, which you pay money for, allegedly to see behind the waterfalls, but, if you are smart, don't do this in the winter. All you see is ice. It's all frozen. You can't even hear the bloody water. I was so disappointed. Who wants to see chunks of ice, anyway? I have plenty in my freezer. I'll make a 'Niagara falls in the winter' diorama and charge people 2 bucks - less than half price! I'll be super rich.

Ok, I hope you enjoyed my account of my trip. I'll be back soon with more exciting stories! YAY!


Anonymous furball spewed forth...

how do u know u have 3 fans? i bet u have tons. why not have a tag board so we can leave craps all over?

20/3/05 20:09  
Blogger ahdokboy spewed forth...

ahah man that is some nice picture editing

20/3/05 21:45  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

Yes, I suppose I COULD install a tagboard. However:

1) I hate it when those things don't move, and you see the same bloody comment forever. It makes me think that people don't love me, which makes me miserable, which makes for angsty writing. Do you want to hear me bitch and moan and nag? I THINK NOT. Me whining is not awesome, trust me.

2) I have this comment system up already; I love comments. I wish people would leave, like, 2 billion comments. Yes, I think I will leave it this way for a while.

3) I like the fact that everyone has to read my shit when they click on this page. Not that I think the comments people leave are lousy; I appreciate that often they're real awesome. Still, I think I'm pretty fucking awesome too, and this is my fucking awesome site of fucking awesomeness. So yeah. Awesome.

Maybe one day if I'm getting, like, 20 comments a post or something, I will start a tagboard. We'll see.

Keep leavin' love though. It's apprecimacated.

20/3/05 23:36  
Blogger Panda Gets Bear spewed forth...

aaaaahahahahaha that is hilarious. the home video--truly brilliant cinematography.

20/3/05 23:40  
Anonymous wulu spewed forth...

Well, you could spam your own board if it doesn't moves!

21/3/05 03:08  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Dude, why haven't I seen you around before? And here I thought I was the only Singaporean who's several thousand feet tall!

21/3/05 05:34  
Blogger just me spewed forth...

Hey your pictures kick ass, almost like King Kong too!

21/3/05 08:25  
Blogger mangotree spewed forth...

muahahah, i like the waterfalls one, u look like someone from out space, and scaring away all the ppl standing there.

21/3/05 10:12  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

Heheh. Who would win? You v.s. Godzilla v.s. Ultraman v.s. Power Ranger Zords v.s. Onslaught v.s. the world Marvel Universe?

21/3/05 10:34  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

errr.. whole, not world.

21/3/05 10:34  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...


I'm a friendly type of 1000 foot giant. I don't fight other giants, I increase the peace and drink rivers of alcohol.


Oh, and shoot lasers.

21/3/05 11:07  
Anonymous furball spewed forth...

like ur humour. keep it coming.

21/3/05 11:59  
Blogger oddlola spewed forth...

why? why do you remind me of jack and the beanstalk when i look at those pictures ... you being the giant beanstalk of course. it figures ... beanstalks need water and therefore you are marginally submerged in niagara falls.

21/3/05 21:32  
Anonymous gabe spewed forth...

machiam counter strike like that..

22/3/05 01:10  
Blogger YellowPony spewed forth...

I throughly enjoyed your account of your trip to Toronto...I'm surprised I didn't see you around there, being several thousand feet tall and all.
Also, I was just in Niagra Falls myself and made the same "trip behind the falls". I could have warned you about that and save you $7.00 CA.

22/3/05 19:40  

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