Monday, April 18, 2005

Roommate's New Pussy



So, is there some bizarre connection between women and cats? I have a couple friends who have cats; strikingly, all the cat owners I can think of are female. I'm sure I have some male friends who own cats, considering the number of guys I hang out with, but then, it seems to me that girls with cats are much more likely to turn into crazy cat women, calling their cats their 'babies', fussing over the cats all the time, taking pictures of their cats and so on. This, it seems to me, is highly unhealthy.

While cats are kind of cool, they are not your babies. These furry purring things did not come out of your wombs, alright? They are cats. Cats are animals, not humans. It's bad enough that new mothers shower us with pictures of their teeny tiny babies who can't even open their frigging eyes; some people, however, insist on showing us pictures of their MOTHERFUCKING CATS! Holy fuck! I want to step in and tell these ridiculous women to wake the fuck up and have some real babies instead, because then at least the fuss would be goddamn worth it. I mean, seriously.

I know, cats are damn cute. I like cats myself. Don't these girls know, however, that they're headed down the path towards becoming crazy cat ladies? It's insane! Insane, I tell you!

A couple weeks ago, my roommate begins asking me if I would be ok with us having a cat. Now, I actually kind of like cats; I think they're cool. What I'm not crazy about, however, is the idea of having to clean out this cat's shit and whatnot. However, my roommate's voice, the way she talks about cats, as well as the way she fawned over my friend's cats when I was taking care of them, all lead me to the conclusion that my roommate is a potential crazy cat lady in the making. I know better than to separate women and their prospective pets, so I sort of pussyfoot my way around the issue, in typical, grunty, non-committal fashion. I think I've mastered the 'whatever you want' grunt.

Random Person: "Is it ok if I [here I blank out]"
Me: *grunt* *mumble*
Random Person: blahblahblahblahblah?
Me: Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

This enables me to get back to my main occupation, namely blogging / playing Grand Theft Auto.

So, yesterday night, my roommate comes in with her parents (who were in town for the weekend) and a cat.

"Hey ... I got the cat."

Notice it is now the cat, instead of a cat. This is the first sign of cat-lady-itis. Seeing as to how the cat ran into my room and hid under my computer, the 'I got a cat statement' was also an exercise in stating the obvious. I don't think I was ever formally introduced to the cat, in that she didn't tell me its name (or she might have, but I wasn't listening); she sort of expected me to know the cat's name automatically, since I am now living in approximately the same space as this furball. Anyway, the cat's name is something ridiculous sounding, and it starts with a T ... Taytawhatthefuck or something like that.

I refuse to call the cat anything but xiao mao, and I speak to it exculsively in chinese. You may ask why. Well, I hate it when pets get stupid pretentious names. You know, those obscure foreign names with lots of strange, misplaced consonants, like 'Syskikkyylll' or 'Tylananana' or stupid shit like that. Why don't people name their pets normal names like 'Bob'? If you want to give your pet a stupid polysyllabic pet name, why not call it 'enema' or 'constipatia'? That way, at least the whole world will know you have something stuck up your ass.

Seriously, though, when naming pets, try something that doesn't sound stupid and pretentious, like 'the rocket dog' or 'super awesome mutt' or 'fluffy'. These are all cool pet names, because I've either heard of them, or readily understand what they mean. My godparents named their dog 'sui sui', because they said (in chinese) that they were very 'sui bian' in giving the dog a name. I think this is an awesome pet name. Taytablahblahbullshit, on the other hand, is a far inferior name to something simple like 'cat'. I mean, for crying out loud, it's a cat, right? I love cats named cat.

Other than that, though, to be honest, I kind of like the cat, and I think the little guy kind of likes me. He spends a lot of time in my room, trying to gnaw at cables; I tell him he's a stupid cat and tell him to stop it, but the stupid cat doesn't understand chinese, I think. Stupid cat. I suppose he likes me because we're up at the same ungodly hours. Here's a picture of the cat making a jackass of himself:



Yes, the cat likes climbing all over my desk. I was typing, and the cat seemed to be amazed to see words on the screen. I was watching the cat, and then I got an idea. I opened up paint, and painted a cat on the screen. Holy shit, the stupid cat flipped the fuck out. It started meowing and pawing at the screen. I had to close the picture, because I didn't want the stupid cat scratching my monitor. I wonder what it'll do when it sees the webcam.

Oh yeah, that's right, it'll chew at the cables. The stupid cat loves chewing at cables.

You can't hold these things against cats, though, because at the end of the day, cats are cute. The little guy loves hiding around my computer. Perhaps he likes it because it's dark and cozy. Or maybe he just loves having all those cables.

'Oi, cat, stop chewing at my fucking cables!'

Ok, now he's on my backpack, getting ready for sleep:



Yeah, he's cute, I cannot deny this. I just wish he'd stop chewing at cables and learn some chinese already.

I'm going to endeavour not to write any more about the cat, lest I become a crazy cat guy.


Today's Blog Babe: warnjai; another xanga, with another bunch of pictures. Whoopee!

With Regards to Yesterday's Entry: I'm not really sure what's going on, and if it's a false alarm, but it seems that my family might be relocating or something like that. It was just big news to me, and left a lot of things to be considered. If you're interested in the details of that, you can always email me. It's not that big a deal, though. Thanks for expressing concern and whatever (yes, all 6 of you)

36 Comments:

Blogger jllt spewed forth...

I think he's eyeing the mouse.

18/4/05 03:30  
Blogger ling spewed forth...

my friend named his cat DIM SUM!!! and said that his next cat will be called SIEW MAI... think his house will soon be a place for some chinese hi-tea session...

18/4/05 04:28  
Anonymous steph spewed forth...

sure, when i get a cat i'll name it joel tan

18/4/05 04:35  
Blogger Gabrielle spewed forth...

wah sei the cat looks like the tabby cat who owns all the female pussies at my hall last time.

He(the cat) f**ks those pussys in the MIDDLE of the court yard!!

whahah.. puts your name to shame if that tabby cat can blog man!

He's sure shorter than you but sure er... bigger in.. hmm..

bleah haha...

that Him means God lah. Capital letter what.

18/4/05 05:43  
Blogger mangotree spewed forth...

i hate cats. i think they are creatures of evil. just look in their eyes! *shivers* doesnt apply to kittens though. :P
having said that, i think girls with a cat-like style are super sexy.

18/4/05 08:56  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

I'm potentially a crazy cat guy. Good thing my mum doesn't like them so I can't keep one as yet. I'm worried, though about whether this repressed desire will spring back with redoubled force when I eventually move out. On second thought, I'd better take my mum with me when I get my own place.

18/4/05 09:06  
Anonymous Jol spewed forth...

Eh it's damn cute, can.

I am also potential crazy cat lady.

18/4/05 09:09  
Blogger CELLE spewed forth...

hahha me dun like cats.. i like dogs.. eso fat ugly bulldogs who're too lazy to move or jump on u.. nice..

u relocating dude? where? move to indo la.a. kekeke

18/4/05 10:16  
Anonymous Sugarrush spewed forth...

Hi hi... thanks for the recipe.. (i just checked my mail)hehe... btw, i don't like cats. At all! They freak me out! Hope everything is fine for you and your family. ^___^

18/4/05 10:38  
Blogger Panda Gets Bear spewed forth...

aw he's fat.

18/4/05 10:46  
Anonymous meegoreng spewed forth...

where are y'all relocating?

18/4/05 11:06  
Blogger Hai~Ren spewed forth...

I'm perfectly fine with cats, though I'm more of a dog person.

Adrian: Scalli wait you get your own place, all your repressed crazy cat person urges explode and you go black market and get a tiger or lion or something.

18/4/05 12:26  
Blogger Ah 9 spewed forth...

I prefer pussies to dawgs. But if that kitty cat understands chinese...that would be killer...hahahahha..

hahahaha

xiaomao...

hahahahahaaaa

18/4/05 12:46  
Blogger Agagooga spewed forth...

Yeah what's it with girls and pussies? :(

Maybe they have some deep soulful connection; both like to be pampered, both get a lot of attention, both wrap their masters around their fingers etc...

18/4/05 13:11  
Blogger pinkshoefetish spewed forth...

cute pussy...

18/4/05 13:43  
Blogger crazycat spewed forth...

i LUV cats... my cat is called Kitty even thou his name at the vet is Elvis.. *rolleyes*.. can we pretty please have more cats pictures!!! hehe...

18/4/05 23:00  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

t: NO MOUSE LAH! YOU SAY MY HOUSE GOT MOUSE IS IT? SLAP YOU! HMPH!

ling: awesome! see? that's a good cat name.

steph: eh, i'm not a cat, lah. actually, you can, lah. it's ok. your choice. where are the photos of me, by the way?

gabrielle: wah, that makes me wish i was a cat. i figure i'd get a lot of pussy. yeah. awesome.

mango: haha, you always make me laugh. why your xanga close shop leh? so sad!

adrian: truth be told, i'm a closet crazy cat guy, which is why i published this entry. it's ironic.

jol: yes, you would be a crazy cat lady, seeing as to how all you need is a cat. i mean this in a good way, of course, since you're adorable.

celle: aiyah...if you want details email me lah...but anyway, err...bulldogs bite very hard you know.

sugarrush: cool. and, to be honest, cats are kind of cute. yeah.

mlle b: no, he's actually really skinny.

meegoreng: haha...dunno yet lah.

dino-dude: eh, animals. all the same, right?

ah 9: Yahlor...cina boleh!

agagooga: i have often thought the same.

psf: haha...thanks, i guess.

cat: yeah; kitty is a good name for a cat, and, to be honest, i don't really mind cat ladies. i just like ranting about them.

19/4/05 00:48  
Blogger bobby spewed forth...

why BOB for a good old cat name? BOB aint a very cat name issit?

19/4/05 02:39  
Blogger speciousity spewed forth...

I hope I'm not one of those "crazies" you're referring to. hmph! And I think mine is 1) cute(r) 2) has a lovely name!! hehe.

Have yet another gash btw. TMD.

19/4/05 17:49  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

bob: eh, i kind of like the name bob.

jo: haha, of course you are a crazy cat woman, but your cat is cute, and has a nice name, ok? anything you say, dahling.

20/4/05 04:26  
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