Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Game Over

Here's a conversation I had with a friend of mine just over a month ago, we'll call him J; I had just started reading xiaxue's blog; I thought it was cool.

J: what's the big deal anyway? isn't she just very normal?
Me: You know how many hits she gets a day?
J: how many?
Me: Like, almost 10,000.
J: har? really? why?
Me: I don't know. But man, that's a lot of hits.
J: ya lar...she's so funny meh?
Me: I think she's pretty good reading.
J: wah, 10,000 in a day?
Me: That's a lot of hits.
J: yeah, boy - who's reading her?
Me: Singaporeans, I guess
Me: Singaporeans love reading blogs.
J: really?
Me: I guess.
J: haha...yeah.
Me: Damn it lah, I should get 10,000 hits, I'm quite good what.
J: haha, i bet you couldn't even get 10,000 hits in a month
Me: Heh...what if I can?
J: i treat you to dinner lar.
Me: Sure or not?
J: haha...can...
J: if you lose then how?
Me: Eh...10,000 is damn hard, leh.
Me: You think easy ah?
J: haha, true, true...
J: so i am right, then.
Me: Fuck you.
Me: I will show you.
Me: You have yourself a bet.
J: eh, cheap dinner only hor
J: i got no money

If you notice, the web counter was started on March the 14th, 2005. It's now early in the morning of April the 13th, and, as it stands, I've gotten just over 10,500 hits. I have thus safely won myself a cheap dinner. Yes, that's right, I've been blog whoring myself for about 10 bucks. But you know what, it's not the cheap dinner that matters, it's the pride. Also, it's the fact that I had nothing better to do. Thanks to all of you for making this happen; if any of you are interested to know how I blog whored my way to success, well, I could post a guide to blog whoring, since I've been thinking so much about it. To be honest, though, for the past month I've been blogging like crazy - at least two hours a day on average. Now that the work's beginning to pile up, I might just have to ease up on this craziness a tiny bit, and get back to leading a normal life.

Yes, it's a triumph for cynical, clinical blogging. Hurrah for having a plan (and getting a couple lucky breaks)!

For your reference, though, here's a path to my 10,000:

March 15 - Xiaxue does a post on iq tests; I realize that this is a key moment in which I can siphon traffic, and post a funny reply. Based on that, my hits go straight up to 300 on the first day of operation, which is not bad for a first day of operation. I still get hits from that link; it's fucking amazing.

March 22 - The sexyblogger meme proves to be a godsend; I post my contribution on March 23rd; between my catchy website title and my *ahem* alternative sexyblogger pictures, I manage to yet again up my audience.

April 1 - I shoot myself in the foot with my April Fool's joke; site traffic drops, and doesn't recover till the 4th.

April 4 - After a series of mediocre posts, I come up with my online quiz post as well as my indictment of shit blogs. The second post, while being not so fantastic, sees me brown-ed; somewhere around this time, I notice my site on Mr. Miyagi's handroll.

April 9 - I make the Xiaxue killers post, and my victory is a mere formality. When the traffic skyrockets, I make a series of filler posts to ensure that it doesn't drop too rapidly. Fortunately, there are enough people sticking around to push the traffic just over 10,000.

Yay! I have a free dinner!

I'd like to thank:

1) Adrian - man, this guy was one of the first to link me, and definitely the first to plug me. This shows his exquisite taste in blogs. Actually, this guy really does have some pretty fucking good taste in blogs; every time he plugs a blog, I check it out, and it's quality. I'd been reading Celly's blog for a while when he plugged it, and I've been thinking "shit, I wished I'd plugged her first" ever since. Seriously, you should go read his blog, not only because it is cool, but also because he has a fucking good eye for the funny.

2) Mr. Miyagi - dude, this guy is arguably one of the nicest major bloggers in the Singapore blogging scene, in terms of linking you. I was plodding along, trying to get into the sidebars of Cowboy Caleb or Adri (she finally linked me in the end, though, so all the hard work paid off); I didn't think I'd be able to make it past surf stop, but wow, this guy is really nice. And cool. Thanks, man!

3) Cheng Yan Yan, for having such ridiculously high traffic that I was convinced I should be able to do it too.

4) Mr. Brown, of course, for brown-ing me.

5) Each and every one of you. Yay, you guys! You are clever!

Alright, now I'm going to slow down on the blog-whoring; like I said, if you want my secrets to blog-whoring gleaned after a month of intense blog-whoring (I think I'm pretty good at it, too), I can write a simple guide to increasing your traffic, while being:
a) not all that attractive
b) not all that intelligent
and c) kind of crazy.

For now, though, I'm going to sleep, and I'm going to wait for my fucking free dinner. Yeah.

Oh, right, before I sign out:

Today's Blog Babe: EGOMANIA SYNDICATED - for the first time, I'm featuring a girl I (sort of) know in real life. I just ran into her today, and I have to say that, for all of you who don't trust blurry webcam pics, this is the girl you should be stalking. She goes to my school, which is allegedly ridiculously difficult, and she's kicking it's ass, which means she's also ridiculously smart. So yes, this is one of those brains and beauty combinations, once again. Oh yeah, she writes real good, too. Clickety click your way to her page as fast as you can!


Blogger Daniel spewed forth...

I can't help but wonder - is the 15 minutes worth all these?

I think blogging popularity is overrated. But I guess it's just me :p

13/4/05 03:32  
Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot spewed forth...

You cut your hair!?!

13/4/05 04:59  
Blogger ~*Starryluvly*~ spewed forth...

congrats on the ten thousand hits!!Enjoy your cheap dinner... =)

13/4/05 05:05  
Blogger Mr Miyagi spewed forth...

You're very welcome. Keep plugging. I'm a-gonna go plug some babe bloggers now. Heh heh. Plug. Heh.

13/4/05 07:06  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

It was my pleasure, dude. I wouldn't have linked you if I didn't enjoy your blog.

13/4/05 09:53  
Anonymous sayyeah spewed forth...

no wonder you read your own blog so much. i bet 10% of that 10000 hits were you yourself.

13/4/05 11:01  
Blogger CELLE spewed forth...

congrate dude!! Btw, if you were considering hits, you have way more than 10k dude. That counter is for visitors only.

13/4/05 11:35  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

dan: it's not blogging popularity. it's the first step to TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. get with the program.

LMD: that one is old news already. check out this post on my livejournal. how? nice or not?

starry: fanks, though to be honest, i bet my cheapo friend will disappear.

mr m: yeah. plug. heh. heh.

AQ: heh. heh heh. yeah. awesome.

sayyeah: I already considered that - that's why I gave myself a 500 hit allowance - no matter how much I check my page, that still means I'd have to get more then 10 unique ip addresses a day, leh! So, it's impossible that it was mostly me.

celle: wah really? how does that work, man? are you talking about page views? because i don't really count those.

13/4/05 14:19  
Blogger jllt spewed forth...

AQ: Did you read the BIG FUCK blog?

me: What's that?

AQ: Damn funny blog.

me: issit?

AQ: Go read it la!

So there you go. He did some viral marketing for you too.

13/4/05 15:33  
Blogger CELLE spewed forth...

J, I clicketied on ur counter and it said all...

OHH!! U din thank me!!! my blog referred lotsa reader to urs! u see see the referring web pages thing!! Kekeke.. shameless i know.. but sad..=(

13/4/05 16:25  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

J***, I thought your April Fools joke was obvious, and particularly liked the 'porn' links. So, if only Adrian and a few others got it, it's a shame. After all, when you write a playscript for example, it's nice if the audience gets the joke.

Anyway, nice hearing that you're doing great and seeing the softer side of you. =) The Afghan one was rather bleak, truth be told. Bestest, J

13/4/05 16:51  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

Eh, that girl is so cute man
>.<= egomania syndicated.

Shes so cute
so cute
so cute

I am going to cyber stalk her.
I hope she dont mind


13/4/05 17:42  
Blogger Gabrielle spewed forth...

wah! she's cute? is she taken? haha.

13/4/05 18:56  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

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13/4/05 21:14  
Blogger Panda Gets Bear spewed forth...

oh man--i have a cyber stalker. i'm so honoured :3 sniff sniff

13/4/05 22:38  
Blogger AcidFlask spewed forth...

Ingenious ;-) By the way I think your blog is more prominent now on my map of Singapore bloggers.

14/4/05 00:04  
Anonymous mickey spewed forth...

hey man, how's japanese going?

14/4/05 00:39  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

Eh....The free Ipod link doesn't work. And congratulations. I think that your popularity won't just stop here.

From someone who can't comment on blogs for a month.

14/4/05 02:27  
Blogger TriplePeriod spewed forth...

Fuck... we feel so used. All in the name of ten bucks. Well, at least we got some good reads in return. Keep on blog-whoring...(Which I am doing on this comment right now)

14/4/05 02:49  
Blogger Kenny Sia spewed forth...

Woi. Where you wear sunglasses indoors? Blind ar?

Blinded by your fame must be.

14/4/05 03:03  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

T: I don't even know what viral marketing is, man! How come AQ so hi tech one? You really picked a good, hi-tech boyfriend, lady!

J: which J are you? I've been wracking my mind all day and can't figure it out. Egad!

IAIA: I told her you liked her. I totally did.

gabrielle: no leh, I think she's single at the moment. Cute hor! I think so too.

anon: is that a blog, or a website? I mean, there's an 'updates' section, but is there rss? Got to be a blog before it can be featured, you know!

mlle. b: heh. you've had a stalker for a while, if you know what i mean. heh. heh.

jh: haha...AS IT SHOULD BE! just kidding, man....your blog is pretty prominently linked on mine, as well - and i even plugged it on the samsu forum, ok!


anon: it only works for USA/Canada/etc - sorry bout that, mang.

...: hey man, blog whoring is cool. and hey, i'm actually not that cheap....i did it for 10 bucks, and PRIDE.

kenny: 2 types of people wear sunglasses indoors: blind people and assholes. I like being an asshole.

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I see. Yes, you would need to wear sunglasses for a while.

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