Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Long Tongues are the Essence of Sexy

Ok, I got a couple comments regarding pictures of myself. This made me think of pictures. Hence, I'm going to bombard all of you with my pictures. I think this is awesome. You are free to disagree with me, but hey, at least I like how I look, and that's half the battle. After all, it's been scientifically proven that thinking you look good makes you look better, right? Obviously, I must be correct.

Why the pictures, you ask? Well, I've decided to show my allegiance to the Singapore blogging community and post my 'too sexy for my blog' picture (if you don't know what this is about yet, read Mr. Brown or xiaxue for the low-down on this); check out my amazingly long tongue:



Wah! What a long tongue! I know, all of you females out there must be ridiculously excited. Others will be thinking, who is this joker? Gene Simmons? The cow / horse headed demon from hell? What a scary looking tongue! In the interests of all you people, there is a more conservatively lengthed tongue as well (yes, I can retract my enormously long tongue on command, thus making it even SEXIER!):



I also included a version where I used the mood lighting to create an effect of extra sexiness:



Ok, that looks more like something out of a horror movie, I know. Nobody would want to be friends with someone who looked like that, right? Just in case all the hot girls reading this are scared of me now, let me remind you that I actually look like this:



Ok, I'm obviously fooling around here. Sunglasses, I feel, automatically make you look cooler. The same, however, cannot necessarily be said for the whole hand thing. You know, that hand thing. What the hell is up with that? Is it a gun? Is it a seven? Are you trying to turn your fingers into a picture frame for your face? None of this makes any sense to me, except that people think it makes them look cool. I suppose it might make you look cool, but it's more likely to make you look like a dumb shit who thinks his fingers can shoot lasers. Which they can't. Unless you're me. Which you aren't.

On this subject, however, funny poses I see people (especially us Asians) doing sometimes really crack me up. Having rediscovered the joys of my camera, I shall model a couple. There's the classic V-sign:



Every mother father cow pig donkey in Asia (ESPECIALLY JAPAN) has done the V-sign, or the peace sign, or whatever you want to call it, in a picture. Here are some examples I have found:



Exhibit A: Asian male with V-sign



Exhibit B: Asian female with V-sign



Exhibit C: Big-time Japanese politician with V-sign.

See? EVERYONE does it! Why? What does it mean? Is it a wish for peace? A sign of victory? When I was working in Tokyo, I asked my co-worker at the orphanage why Japanese people all seem to like making the peace sign.

Me: Why does everyone in Japan make the peace sign?
Him: What?
Me: You know, the peace sign?
Him: Peace sign?
I make the sign
He makes the sign.
Me: Yeah, that sign.
Him: I don't know.

Upon further questioning, the best answer I got was, 'sometimes Japanese people don't know what things mean, but just think they look cool.' I got that answer about a shitload of things I asked about in Japan.

Another sign that seems to have been co-opted is the whole 'rock out' sign, except Asians seem to need to do it with two hands (since one is not enough):



The scowl is, of course, necessary to make you look cooler. Or constipated. They might just both be the same thing. Alarmingly, I have seen a variation of the 'double rock out' pose which involves crossing your hands as well:



No kidding; I've actually seen a bunch of people posing like this. I have no idea what they're thinking. Can't people just take pictures normally? The 'crossed rock out' pose, naturally, stems from both the 'double rock out' and the 'ultraman' pose:



Ok, actually I think the ultraman pose is kind of funny.

That's enough modelling now, I suppose; I know, all of you must be wondering, 'wait a second - how did he take pictures of those two-handed poses on his webcam? don't you need a free hand to click?'

Ok, maybe none of you were wondering that, but for those of you who were, I applaud your perceptivity. You will go far in life. Or, at least, further than all those casual bastards who didn't think about how hard it is to put this goddamn blog up. Yeah. Anyway, note the strange angle I've been posing at for these double handed shots:



I now adjust the camera so that you can follow my body and ....



TADA! Yes, that is indeed my foot, controlling the mouse. See what lengths I go to for you guys?

Alright, that's obviously enough silly pictures for a day. I'll now leave you with an extremely serious group photo I took with my friend, Randy, the ear-cleaning rabbit:



Alright, I'm out. Later, people.

technorati tag:

49 Comments:

Blogger lis spewed forth...

U are awesomely disgusting!! (The long and prob not so sexy tongue)

BUT awesomely adorable haha! (The silly V sign, gu niang Ultraman and the erm innocently-looking group photo with Randy)

I'm in the library, seriously can't share my laughter with the librarian, U r cute. When u are not cool-looking.

23/3/05 20:46  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

I'm just going to take that as a compliment. Thanks a lot, miss. You make me happy.

23/3/05 21:15  
Blogger lis spewed forth...

U r welcome, I always try to make people happy, and I do : )

Hang on to your anti-smoking days... You'll be a happier person, trust me.

23/3/05 23:12  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

Hmm.. have anyone ever mentioned that you look abit like hosan leong..which looks abit like sammyboy... so tell me...

Are you the Sex God King Mr Sammy Leong...

*Kow Tow* we not worthy...we not worthy...

24/3/05 01:01  
Blogger Debbie Wee spewed forth...

hahaahaa...your last pose is darn cuteee...

24/3/05 03:16  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

it was a great quickie. Humor I mean. :)

- juicypout

24/3/05 04:07  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Man, you are so awesomely funny that if I weren't a god, I'd be on the next flight to your place right now so that I can lick your balls for you. However, such things are beneath the dignity of gods and I shall hence have to regretfully forgo that dubious pleasure.

Seriously, you are fucking hilarious.

24/3/05 04:33  
Blogger speciousity spewed forth...

hahahahahahahahahaha

24/3/05 10:07  
Blogger sunflowr spewed forth...

:)

24/3/05 10:28  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

My dear lecturer told me the "V" sign Japanese do was cos they idolized everything American in the 70s. Strangely, during the 70s, they went for 50s America (Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and the like). So now that everyone is so over the "V", the Japanese are picking it up.

By the way, you can try this look:
Step 1.
Tilt head downwards (Note: Make sure your chin does not touch your chest because you will get two flabs at the sides.)

Step 2.
Pout lips.

Step 3.
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Step 4.
Set camera angle higher than your head.

Step 5.
Click mouse with your toe to capture image.

There you have it. The innocent schoolgirl look.

24/3/05 10:46  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

Oh yes! Whose dick did you use in the first pic?

24/3/05 10:47  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

Dear -j-

I totally forgot the innocent schoolgirl pose; maybe I will try it some other time, when I turn gay and am trying to attract old men. Thanks for the heads up, though.

Also, in the first picture, that is, as I have stated, seriously my tongue. I wouldn't photoshop penises into my mouth; that's just gross.

Yuck.

Regards,

J Schnorng

24/3/05 10:56  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

My dog may be interested. You do have a nice round mouth.

24/3/05 11:48  
Blogger R2D2 spewed forth...

You know, you look suspiciously familiar to me. Quite familiar. Hmmmm....

24/3/05 12:05  
Blogger Daniel spewed forth...

Finally, I found someone with a longer tongue than me.
There can only be one...

24/3/05 12:37  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

terrible terrible. i was viewing ur page while i was eating.

how can u be so disgusting...

that doesnt look like a tongue in ur mouth. but a dick instead..

*shrugs*

why are u still in L-O-N-G hair?
the energy fad is over.. beside. u dont look good in that...

=)

24/3/05 19:59  
Blogger Skye Bleu spewed forth...

SHO FARNI!!

u r making me speak funny... ahhahaha

i loved that cute groupie photo.. =)

25/3/05 01:50  
Blogger Lynnylchan spewed forth...

I thought it was a frankfurter in your mouth. (innocent girlies like me always take the high road). Despite your damn badass image and blog url, I think you are so cute! Why doesn't NUS have guys like you? (You're not NUS right?)
And where did you buy Randy, I think he's a cute little fella too!

25/3/05 06:56  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

... it's been so long since I've laughed so hard at someone's blog entry. good lord.

As I am a blogger myself, I know how great the feeling would be to know where your readers are from, and how did they find your blog.
I am from Malaysia and I clicked on you from Mrbrown.com. hehe!

LOVE YOUR PICS. SO FUNNY. I nearly died laughing when I saw your leg clicking on the mouse. And i love the last pic!

Such a cute guy!~ keep blogging!

25/3/05 08:56  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

The "long tongue"pic looks like u are chewing on some sausage.
That Ultraman pic looks like that disgusting "Xu Chun Mei" from those Taiwan Variety shows.
The last pic is cute tho, brings out ur frdly side.

25/3/05 09:59  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

I was practically choking with with laughter after looking at those friggin' hilarious pics.

Followed the link from your crush's place. (how can one NOT with such an, er, provocative address?)

Highly interesting sense of humour you've got there.

Oh and are you SURE that first pic isn't one of a dick? Cause it sure as hell looks like one......

Keep on with the updates, yeah?
~jen.

25/3/05 10:02  
Blogger Marcelly spewed forth...

Hhheuhuee... very enriching indeed! I personally hate those V sign poses.. so act cute.. heh

25/3/05 13:38  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

sb: I look familiar meh? Who knows? Mebbe we are FRENS!

daniel: Is that a challenge? I'm not the highlander, ok.

sky bleu: Only you can make you speak funny. I can only encourage. Which i do.

lynn: Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt; I bought my ear cleaning bunny in Japan, somewhere in the vicinity of Mt. Fuji. Maybe next time I go you can tongpang one order lah.

jayelle: I always like bringing out my ... erm ... friendly side. I'm very ... erm ... friendly, you know.

jen: For the 1000th time, it isn't a dick.

celly: yalor...lucky I'm not act cute like those people, hor!

25/3/05 15:33  
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dude, that is some funny shit.

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