Singapore: Best Place in the World to be Singaporean.

Today I want to talk about home. Yes, perhaps I'm a little home sick. Yes, perhaps it's been too long since I've had mee siam. Yes, perhaps I've been reading blogs of chiobus like Celly (who now even kena brown-ed), Sandra Ng (who looks damn spicy in her bikini) and of course our evergreen Cheng Yan Yan and thinking, wah, back home really got a lot of hot babes, man. Maybe I've just been thinking about Singapore since I started reading so many Singaporean blogs.

Nonetheless, I just want to say how, to be fair, Singapore is a pretty cool place. While bitching about the status quo seems to be a big pasttime amongst the Singaporean community, I figure that, deep down inside, SIngaporeans are deeply proud of who they are and where they come from. I've always thought that countries have global brand names - you know, people think Japan and think pokemon, sushi, love hotels and banzai; people think Korea and maybe think about Winter Sonata, bibimbap and I don't know, Tae Kwon Do. You think USA and you have cowboys and MacDonalds and silly things like that. What, however, do people think of when they think of Singapore? I'm sure Singaporeans studying abroad are kind of sick of questions like, 'I hear Singapore is really strict; you can't chew gum there, right?' or 'is it true that they cane you in Singapore for littering?'

At first, when confronted with such ignorance, I got really pissed off. I figured, if everyone was so ignorant, why not let them continue being a bunch of stupid buffoons. Laughing at buffoons is funny. It makes me feel good. Conversations would go like this:

Random dude: So, I hear they cane you in Singapore for littering.
Me: No, they don't.
Random: Really? I thought so.
Me: Yeah, they strip you naked and shackle you in public so everyone can laugh at the size of your dick.
Random: No, you're shitting me.
Me: Actually I am. Everyone knows Asians like to castrate people. That's what they do.
Random: Really? Harsh.
Me: We don't f*ck around, us SIngaporeans.

Eventually, though, I learnt that you can't really blame ignorance on the ignorant, as much as I'd like to. There comes a time when you think to yourself, enough is enough. Now, when people ask me stupid questions about Singapore, I've learnt to try and shamelessly promote my country, point out things that are good about it. Look at places like Jamaica. While they're a piss-small island, everyone thinks Jamaica and at least goes, 'yah man...rasta' or some nonsense like that. Singapore, with all its quirks, needs to be promoted. I dream of the day when every ang moh thinks Singapore and goes, 'eh dun be liddat leh,' or perhaps, 'kao peh lah cheebye!'



Yes, like that.

How will this happen? Well, first, it's time to spread Singlish. I think that, all things told, Singlish is an awesome representation of our culture. I know, it's annoying to hear white people who don't know where their lahs and lehs go saying stupid things. But hey, to promote awareness, you first must make people aware, right? A lot of my white friends have taken to saying 'cheebye'; I know, it's not the most polite phrase to teach people. This probably came about because I don't like saying cheese.

White dudes: Say cheese!
Me: Cheese simi lan! Cheebye lah, cheese!
White dudes: What?
Me: You say cheese, I say cheebye.
White: Is cheebye Singaporean for cheese?
Me: No, cheebye is Hokkien for vagina.

Nonetheless, they still seem to say it exclusively when we take pictures.



Slowly, though, my white friends have moved beyond cheebye. Some even know when lah should and should not be said (ok, maybe roughly only, but still can lah). One day, perhaps these people will learn enough Singlish to understand two Singaporeans talking (which many of my white friends say is completely unintelligible).

One day, I think maybe Singaporean will be as imitated as those Jamaican slangs, if all us Singaporean bloggers unite and make our presence felt on the blogging community. I think the Singaporean blogging scene is coming along quite nicely - a lot of people have, to my surprise, proved intensely readable. All we need is to get global readership, and proliferate our cultrue.

I know, some might be saying, why proliferate our culture?

Well, it's better than hamburgers, don't you think? I figure it's time us Singaporean minds get together to make our presence felt. We're a small island, but we have a distinct culture and a burgeoning, uniquely Singaporean sense of humour. Singlish is more than just a blend of disparate languages; there's a distinctive discourse in Singlish. Look at the hokkien words that are incorporated, which in turn have been borrowed from Malay - I'm talking about how ah bengs say 'su ka' for like, 'ba lu' for new and talk about how they 'beh tahan' the weather. Anyone who has heard a Malay friend say 'kao peh lah!' will see that our tongues have blended together, making something unique and special (ok, maybe Malaysia also can understand, as can be seen from this hokkien blog, which I've recently gotten addicted to, but whatever), something which should be shared with the rest of the world.

Yeah, so it's time for us to start speaking Singlish, and letting everyone else catch on. It'll be good exercise for their brains anyway, hor?