I'm just back from Kabuki Lady Macbeth at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater. Ok, I see those incredulous looks on your faces. What, just because I like to say fuck a lot, you think I'm not cultured, is it? WRONG! I am very cultured, ok! In fact, I'm a bona fide culture vulture! Don't play play!



Yeah, so I saw the picture; I like Japanese stuff, I had nothing better to do, it was 15 bucks, so I thought, yeah, why not. From the picture, I seriously thought it was going to be something like Kurosawa's Throne of Blood; you know, lots of awesome samurai action and whatnot, or maybe kabuki action. Whatever. I mean, just compare the posters:



See the striking resemblance? I was all ready for lots of Japanese, and maybe some funny singing and whatnot. That would've been awesome. However, I was shocked to discover that the actors in the play were all ... ang mohs! Yes, that's right, despite the black hair and painted faces, it seems that none of the actors spoke a word of Japanese, other than perhaps 'shogun', which they said about a billion times. That's right, every other name in the play (ok, they use titles like Kurokawa and Tikitikitiki or something that sounded like that) was the same, but nonetheless, they felt obliged to call Duncan the shogun. Retarded, I know.

On top of this, Macbeth had a hairy chest. And a pot belly. How do I know? Well, in the duel to the death with Duncan (yes, they felt compelled to have the two characters duel to the death; it was bizarre), Duncan somehow manages to take off Macbeth's cape. I was almost expecting a pool of mud. And some wrestling. I mean, what the hell? I don't want to see a tubby guy with red underpants! I wasn't paying for Sumo Lady Macbeth, damnit!

Lastly, the fact that they were all speaking in English made the whole affectation of the Kabuki thing fall flat. I mean, I guess they couldn't be expected to speak Japanese, but then, why try right? I guess it's important to bring Kabuki to the Americans, but hey, I guess I wasn't exactly their target audience. I should've just gone to Japan and seen real Kabuki. Seriously.

Naturally, there were a couple of redeeming factors. Shozo Sato did a pretty good job of conveying the feel of a Kabuki production given the limitations of the space he was working with. Given the modestly sized theatre, it would have been kind of unreasonable to expect trap doors and revolving stages (though I still wanted that stuff anyway, because it would have been oh-so-kickass); he put together a real pretty set of screens, lights, feather boa forests and red paper blood baths. It was all very pretty, really. Also, considering it was 15 bucks, I could think of worse ways to spend the evening. I mean, all in all, it was a real great night out; a play, a nice Japanese dinner, great company. I'm surprised I still can write such an irritated sounding rant.

Actually no, I'm not. I can be irritated at anything. Oh, the actors laughed real funny, too. They'd do this stylized, stage laugh that was a 'huh huh huh' instead of a 'hee hee hee'; it sounded like a cross between Fat Albert and Apu from the Simpsons. It was funny, though; it cracked me up every time.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that I'm one of those asians who's always looking at the white man and saying, 'you have no idea; you'll never get it, so why bother trying?'

Maybe I should just be more open.

Then again, maybe white dudes trying Kabuki should first learn some goddamn Japanese.