I almost subscribed to blogthings today, but I didn't. For this, I'm proud of myself.

Some people might be saying, well, blogthings is quite fun what; you know, you can say that you're like 35% normal, or your seduction style is "pulling off her panties until she consents to have sex with you", or your porn star name is "Jerry Hunglikedonkeydick" or some shit like that, but you know, this sort of thing is only interesting the first 2 or 3 times you see it. After reading xangas and livejournals extensively, I've decided that, well, blogthings (or quizilla quizzes, or whatever other retarded things people put on their websites) just really don't do it for me.

Unless, of course, nobody has ever seen them before. I figure, if people are going to be retarded online quiz fiends, they might as well put up quizzes I've never seen before. That way, it won't irritate the shit out of me when I see them for the 10 billionth time. I'm fucking sick of knowing whether you're Frodo, or Gandalf, or Rogue, or Ali Baba. Why do you want so many identities? Even if I took the Lord of the Rings personality test and they said I was Legolas, I still wouldn't be fucking Legolas. No chiobus would suddenly think I looked like Orlando Bloom and want to jump my pants, damn it. This makes me fucking unsatisfied.

Yeah, basically, if you need to put up some stupid sort of quiz on your journal, why not put this up instead:

What type of retarded online quiz fiend are you?

1. Why the fuck do you take online quizzes?
a) Because I want everybody to know how special I am.
b) Because I am always amazed at the results
c) Because I'm trying to find myself.
d) Don't you think it's quite fun? It's quite fun, what!

2. That's it. I don't want to tax your brain with another question.
a) Ok.
b) Ok.
c) Ok.
d) Ok.

SCORING:

If your answer to question 1 was a:

You are a FUCKING WANKER

You take quizzes to show how awesome you are. Well, here's a news flash, hot shot: you're a fucking wanker.

Quick; quick - go share this with all your retarded friends! Just copy and paste the contents of this table:

<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr><td bgcolor=#66CCFF align=center> <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'> <b>You are a FUCKING WANKER</b></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor=#FFFFFF> <font color="#000000"> <img src=http://photos1.blogger.com/img/81/4115/400/ ret00.jpg> You take quizzes to show how awesome you are. Well, here's a news flash, hot shot: you're a fucking wanker </font></td></tr></table> <div align="center"> <a href="http://bigfuck.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-almost -subscribed-to-blogthings.html">What Retarded Quiz Fiend Are You?</a> </div>

Ok, for all who answered with option b:

You are an INCREDULOUS TWIT

You tend to think quiz results are amazing, and are constantly stunned by how much they reflect your inner being. What they really reflect is how ridiculously gullible you are. Go back to school, you nincompoop.

Quick; quick - go share this with all your retarded friends! Just copy and paste the contents of this table:

<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr><td bgcolor=#66CCFF align=center> <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'> <b>You are an INCREDULOUS TWIT</b></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor=#FFFFFF> <font color="#000000"> <img src=http://photos1.blogger.com/img/81/4115/ 400/ret01.jpg> You tend to think quiz results are amazing, and are constantly stunned by how much they reflect your inner being. What they really reflect is how ridiculously gullible you are. Go back to school, you nincompoop. </font></td></tr></table> <div align="center"> <a href="http://bigfuck.blogspot.com/2005/04/i- almost-subscribed-to-blogthings.html">What Retarded Quiz Fiend Are You?</a> </div>

Moving on, we have option c:

You are an INSECURE DIPSHIT

Sometimes you take quizzes more than once, just to get a result that seems cool. Other times, you reflect on whether quizzes make you cool. Here at bigfuck.blogspot.com, we're going to do you a favour and tell you the truth. You're not cool, you're an insecure little dipshit.

Quick; quick - go share this with all your retarded friends! Just copy and paste the contents of this table:

<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr><td bgcolor=#66CCFF align=center> <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'> <b>You are an INSECURE DIPSHIT</b></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor=#FFFFFF> <font color="#000000"> <img src=http://photos1.blogger.com/img/81/4115/400/ ret02.jpg> Sometimes you take quizzes more than once, just to get a result that seems cool. Other times, you reflect on whether quizzes make you cool. Here at bigfuck.blogspot. com, we're going to do you a favour and tell you the truth. You're not cool, you're an insecure little dipshit. </font></td></tr></table> <div align="center"> <a href="http://bigfuck.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-almost- subscribed-to-blogthings.html">What Retarded Quiz Fiend Are You?</a> </div>

Finally, we have option d:

You are a GIGGLING BUFFOON

You laugh at really stupid shit, because you have shit for brains. Stop being a dumb fuck and grow some brains, before someone kills your ass.

Quick; quick - go share this with all your retarded friends! Just copy and paste the contents of this table:

<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr><td bgcolor=#66CCFF align=center> <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'> <b>You are a GIGGLING BUFFOON</b></font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor=#FFFFFF> <font color="#000000"> <img src=http://photos1.blogger.com/img/81/4115/400 /ret03.jpg> You laugh at really stupid shit, because you have shit for brains. Stop being a dumb fuck and grow some brains, before someone kills your ass. </font></td></tr></table> <div align="center"> <a href="http://bigfuck.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-almost- subscribed-to-blogthings.html">What Retarded Quiz Fiend Are You?</a> </div>

See? All the fancy html is done for you some more. What are you waiting for? Go tell everyone which type of retarded quiz fiend you are! I figure, if I had to pick, I'd probably be 'the totally awesome dude'. But that's only because I didn't answer any of the fucking questions.

If you're offended, well, fuck you. I fucking rock. I am awesome. Yeah.

Anyway, on to other business. Here is what I had for lunch:



I know, some of you are thinking, man, that's just some rice, and maybe peas, and kong ba. Well, having not had kong ba in fucking ages, this was, without a doubt, the best kong ba I've ever had. It's all thanks to my number 1 fresh off the boat girl, xiao zhu....'s mother. Or grandmother. Whoever made this food (I was slightly too drunk at the time of receiving it to recall), thank you. It painted a glittering rainbow across my otherwise cloudy day.

Ok. That's all for today.

EDIT: Ok, actually the html is kind of crap; you have to do some formatting and all, but it's not like anyone is actually going to use it, right? If, by some miraculous coincidence, one of you wants to put this shit up on your site, drop me an e-mail and I'll fix it up for you nice nice.