Tuesday, June 28, 2005

When Household Appliances Rebel



There are some days when the little things can really get to you. Today, one of those things is my box fan. I have a box fan sitting on the edge of my desk; I keep it blowing at me so that I don't melt. Unfortunately, due to some totally idiotic construction, when the fan is at full speed (which it is always on, to prevent me from turning into a slimy pile of mush), it has a tendency to move around. I didn't realize this until the fan had lept out of my bedroom window for the second time today; previously, I just thought it was a little depressed. Now that I know it's being belligerent, I'm tempted to beat it with a metal stick until it learns to be obedient.

I tried weighing the thing down with my desk lamp, stacks of cds, as well as potted plants, but the damn fan is just too strong for all of them. It totally has a mind of its own, and hurls itself out of my window every five minutes or so. Right now, I've put it on its lowest setting, and I can feel the sweat coming already.

I think I'm going to need an exorcist or something, because this fucking box fan is totally possessed by the devil.

Damn it, appliances in this house have to learn once and for all that I'm the boss.

Now where the fuck did I put my metal stick?

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Anonymous jes spewed forth...

if possible, don't rest it on the table, hang it by the window using a strong wire or rope. then it will be secure already. no use weighing it down cos it will mess things instead.

28/6/05 03:32  
Blogger Ra spewed forth...

You need a similar fan placed back-to-back with the current one, and have it blowing in the opposite direction... er... let me recall.. ah.. Newton's 2nd!! :p

28/6/05 12:38  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

And I thought mine was the only one acting weird.

28/6/05 15:54  
Blogger NaiveGuy spewed forth...

Your fan is imbalanced, one of the fan blades is heavier than the others, go to your local hobby shop for R/C planes and get a prop balancer then use it as per instructions, the fan shld not move anymore :P

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Blogger WhiteOut spewed forth...

i know of a suicide hotline your fan can call, unless your box fan and your phone are not on good terms.

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Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Dude, bolt it down. That would totally show it who's boss.

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use the air con!

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Blogger Green Ogre spewed forth...

Your fan appears to be metal. Thus beating it with a metal stick would not be as effective as taking a blowtorch on it. Just move blowtorch slowly up to uncooperative and intransigent fan to give it a few moments to ponder and repent.

Then show it your good side by explaining how you feed it with electricity. Praising it for how well it blows is also recommended.

If above fails to compel or persuade said fan to conform to societal standards. Incarceration is also another civilised option.

What would be most fun, however, would be using the blowtorch to cut it up into itsy bitsy bits of metal taht you could use to create a sculpture and sell for a fortune.

Just suggestions. :P

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