Counting, counting
Just so you know, I've stopped answering msn messages, locked up my playstation, and stopped reading other blogs. I am really writing! I'm so proud.
So, well, yeah - today I found my roommate's livejournal. I'm not going to link it in this post, but you can find the link on this page. When I was in secondary school, I used to steal this guy's shoes, run away with them, then hide one of his shoes somewhere. I'd leave cryptic clues all over the school, and make him go on a treasure hunt to find them. I know, I'm a bit of an asshole some times, but hey, treasure hunts are just so much fun, right? Something in me tells me that it's ok to let everyone read my roommate's private thoughts, as long as I don't put an active link to them in my writing. This makes it all a-ok. Don't contradict me.
Anyway, lately the roommate has been picking up on my passive aggression, and has asked me a couple times if I'm pissed off at her. Truth be told, I have a HUGE problem saying I'm pissed off at someone. I can say, 'you're an asshole' or 'I hate dirty dishes' but I can't say 'you know what, I'm upset with you.'
Saying I'm upset goes against a couple major codes of behaviour:
1) I should never be upset
2) Ok, wait, that's pretty much it.
You see, while I can be depressed, or anxious, or even (very occasionally) stressed, I am almost never upset with people. I can 'want to kick someone's ass in a righteous fury' but I can't be 'hurt' or 'disappointed'. I suppose, if push comes to shove, I could be 'pissed off' at someone, but then, when I'm 'pissed off' it tacitly implies 'I want to kick your ass'. Now, if I were to 'kick' my roommate's 'ass', that would make me an 'asshole who hits women'. So basically, what I'm trying to say is, for some strange reason, I can never tell my roommate I'm pissed off at her.
You know what, though? Some times, I think I really AM pissed off at her. Not in the 'holy fucking shit I want to kick your ass' way, but rather, in the 'why the fuck does she do that?' sort of way. You know something's going wrong when it's the little things that piss you off - when it bothers you that she smokes all over the apartment, when you start counting the number of times you've done the groceries compared to the number of times she has, when you notice that she's left the lights on for the ninth day running and silently curse under your breath. That's when you know things are going wrong.
Right now, I can tell you exactly how much I've spent on groceries since I decided not to charge her for them. $248. If you asked me last year how much I spent on groceries, I would have told you, 'I have no fucking clue, dude. A lot?' You know, usually you split groceries with your roommate; it's kind of cool if you go do them together. But you know what? That just somehow never happens. We're not in each other's lives nearly enough to arrange communal trips to the supermarket. The best thing we can hope for is the occasional dinner together. Besides, she eats expensive organic foods and freshly made pasta. I buy the bargain bin family packs of meat and assorted asian condiments. Somehow, things just don't mix. She points this out to me, too. When I ask her to pay, she tells me that she does groceries too. She can't carry as much, but it's all that expensive, premium stuff. So what's the point of trying to convince her that my shopping endeavours should be compensated? There isn't any. It just leaves me disgruntled, somehow. I barely even do the groceries any more. I hardly cook, either. I mean, she's offered to pay for 'what I think is fair,' but if I have to submit all my purchases to a fucking one woman board of inquiry, I might as well suck it all up. It's just that that's when I start counting. I can't help it.
The counting bleeds into everything - the number of times she plays her music a little too loud on saturday afternoons when I'm still asleep (4 times this quarter), the ratio of toilet rolls that I buy to the number that she does (I win, by virtue of cheap-ass family packs), the number of rowdy nights with my friends versus the number of rowdy nights with her friends (ok, maybe I have rowdier friends, but hey, winning eleven is noisy, ok? And her friends usually come over a lot later, too), the number of times her cat attacks my friends when they come over because she hasn't trained it to stop biting yet (5 - I think it likes me, though; I've trained it to respond to commands in chinese; did I mention this?); these are things I am strangely compelled to keep track of, even though I really hate doing it. It's just that every time these things annoy me, I instinctively go, 'AH, YOU SEE, ANOTHER TIME! SEE! SEE! ANOTHER TIME!' and my mental ticker goes click in my head.
I don't like to think of myself as petty. I like to be able to let the little things go. I suppose part of me is trying to add all these up, so that it becomes a big thing, so that I can legitimately complain. Ultimately though, even if all these little things annoy you - a big thing made up of little things is still just that - lots of little things, which are best forgotten.
So why can't I say any of this to her face? Well, I suppose the main reason is this - the ultimate resolution I'm looking for, isn't one where I pay less or she pays more; it isn't about the money. It's about making time to go to the grocery together, about planning lives that intersect, about being more than just peripherals. The thing is, she does more about this than I do; she drops by my room once in a while to check in, and we chat, and usually it's pretty ok. She occasionally asks me to join her friends for whatever, and I decline, just like she declines when I ask her to come out and play some winning eleven. I guess I've even been a little stand-offish of late. I've just been stressed, I tell her, and it's true. So once again, I'm unreasonable, right? I don't have any reason to be pissed if I'm being the asshole.
So why am I still counting?
Perhaps I will never know.
Today's Blog Babe: A Chronically Vulgar Girl. Have I featured her before? Her site name looks familiar. Aiyah, whatever, lah. Today's blog babe is Kelvin recommend, one. When Kelvin recommends a blog babe, I just post. The man's got clout with me, ok?
So, well, yeah - today I found my roommate's livejournal. I'm not going to link it in this post, but you can find the link on this page. When I was in secondary school, I used to steal this guy's shoes, run away with them, then hide one of his shoes somewhere. I'd leave cryptic clues all over the school, and make him go on a treasure hunt to find them. I know, I'm a bit of an asshole some times, but hey, treasure hunts are just so much fun, right? Something in me tells me that it's ok to let everyone read my roommate's private thoughts, as long as I don't put an active link to them in my writing. This makes it all a-ok. Don't contradict me.
Anyway, lately the roommate has been picking up on my passive aggression, and has asked me a couple times if I'm pissed off at her. Truth be told, I have a HUGE problem saying I'm pissed off at someone. I can say, 'you're an asshole' or 'I hate dirty dishes' but I can't say 'you know what, I'm upset with you.'
Saying I'm upset goes against a couple major codes of behaviour:
1) I should never be upset
2) Ok, wait, that's pretty much it.
You see, while I can be depressed, or anxious, or even (very occasionally) stressed, I am almost never upset with people. I can 'want to kick someone's ass in a righteous fury' but I can't be 'hurt' or 'disappointed'. I suppose, if push comes to shove, I could be 'pissed off' at someone, but then, when I'm 'pissed off' it tacitly implies 'I want to kick your ass'. Now, if I were to 'kick' my roommate's 'ass', that would make me an 'asshole who hits women'. So basically, what I'm trying to say is, for some strange reason, I can never tell my roommate I'm pissed off at her.
You know what, though? Some times, I think I really AM pissed off at her. Not in the 'holy fucking shit I want to kick your ass' way, but rather, in the 'why the fuck does she do that?' sort of way. You know something's going wrong when it's the little things that piss you off - when it bothers you that she smokes all over the apartment, when you start counting the number of times you've done the groceries compared to the number of times she has, when you notice that she's left the lights on for the ninth day running and silently curse under your breath. That's when you know things are going wrong.
Right now, I can tell you exactly how much I've spent on groceries since I decided not to charge her for them. $248. If you asked me last year how much I spent on groceries, I would have told you, 'I have no fucking clue, dude. A lot?' You know, usually you split groceries with your roommate; it's kind of cool if you go do them together. But you know what? That just somehow never happens. We're not in each other's lives nearly enough to arrange communal trips to the supermarket. The best thing we can hope for is the occasional dinner together. Besides, she eats expensive organic foods and freshly made pasta. I buy the bargain bin family packs of meat and assorted asian condiments. Somehow, things just don't mix. She points this out to me, too. When I ask her to pay, she tells me that she does groceries too. She can't carry as much, but it's all that expensive, premium stuff. So what's the point of trying to convince her that my shopping endeavours should be compensated? There isn't any. It just leaves me disgruntled, somehow. I barely even do the groceries any more. I hardly cook, either. I mean, she's offered to pay for 'what I think is fair,' but if I have to submit all my purchases to a fucking one woman board of inquiry, I might as well suck it all up. It's just that that's when I start counting. I can't help it.
The counting bleeds into everything - the number of times she plays her music a little too loud on saturday afternoons when I'm still asleep (4 times this quarter), the ratio of toilet rolls that I buy to the number that she does (I win, by virtue of cheap-ass family packs), the number of rowdy nights with my friends versus the number of rowdy nights with her friends (ok, maybe I have rowdier friends, but hey, winning eleven is noisy, ok? And her friends usually come over a lot later, too), the number of times her cat attacks my friends when they come over because she hasn't trained it to stop biting yet (5 - I think it likes me, though; I've trained it to respond to commands in chinese; did I mention this?); these are things I am strangely compelled to keep track of, even though I really hate doing it. It's just that every time these things annoy me, I instinctively go, 'AH, YOU SEE, ANOTHER TIME! SEE! SEE! ANOTHER TIME!' and my mental ticker goes click in my head.
I don't like to think of myself as petty. I like to be able to let the little things go. I suppose part of me is trying to add all these up, so that it becomes a big thing, so that I can legitimately complain. Ultimately though, even if all these little things annoy you - a big thing made up of little things is still just that - lots of little things, which are best forgotten.
So why can't I say any of this to her face? Well, I suppose the main reason is this - the ultimate resolution I'm looking for, isn't one where I pay less or she pays more; it isn't about the money. It's about making time to go to the grocery together, about planning lives that intersect, about being more than just peripherals. The thing is, she does more about this than I do; she drops by my room once in a while to check in, and we chat, and usually it's pretty ok. She occasionally asks me to join her friends for whatever, and I decline, just like she declines when I ask her to come out and play some winning eleven. I guess I've even been a little stand-offish of late. I've just been stressed, I tell her, and it's true. So once again, I'm unreasonable, right? I don't have any reason to be pissed if I'm being the asshole.
So why am I still counting?
Perhaps I will never know.
Today's Blog Babe: A Chronically Vulgar Girl. Have I featured her before? Her site name looks familiar. Aiyah, whatever, lah. Today's blog babe is Kelvin recommend, one. When Kelvin recommends a blog babe, I just post. The man's got clout with me, ok?
The Big Fuck said so at 1:29 pm
26 Comments:
You are the most annoying thing on the Internet. But I am more concerned with your deficient narrative skills. Do you realize your problems? Your point of view is inconsistent, your character development non-existent and, frankly, your story is pathetic and lacks arc. How can we build up your ego when you constantly refer to yourself in the third person? This does not build narrative tension, as you might hope; it's just dumb. You might want to look up what "ego" means, sonny.
And on top of all that, you know nothing about football. How dare you even suggest Arsenal is better than Barcelona? Frank Rijkaard would destroy you with just a glance, sonny.
at least she has not resorted to sticking her pads on the walls after detaching them from her panties after use.
hrm, has she seen your blog yet?
Well, you could have split everything down the middle in the first place. That's what I'd do. I'm not being calculative, but you don't wanna risk getting exploited and feeling resentful cos of that. Stuff the gentlemanly airs up the arse! What this girl needs is to wake up! and stop taking people for granted.
Eh.. anonymous smartasses..
what a fricken' prick.
I hate to appear cynical so I shall use a pseudonym to write this.
P.S This is not a girl bashing post. Do not Brose Me
The crucial rule is: NEVER stay with a girl, regardless of how pretty or nice she seems when u know her. Even more so when you don't really know her.
This is especially since you are the laidback kind. (Don't mind me saying this, but from your site I guess you are the laidback kind).
Thats because girls are naturally fussy creatures whereas you are the bochup type. As such, the clash in personality could not be more different - especially when it comes to expenditure. Your laidback nature will only get you thus far in tolerance level.
Since she is not your GF, the only benefit you get from staying with her is 'bragging rights' which we know is lame. So don't bother tolerating her. Move in with like-minded people. Fast. Keeps your mental sanity in check.
Through unlikely circumstances I am forced into a similar situation as yours and let me tell you, its a hell-hole for me. Other than doing ALL the chores, ALL the groceries, I still have to put up with her petty complaints (such as forgetting to wipe the table). Oh, and they make be petite creatures but believe me their consumption rate ($$ they spend on upkeep/more expensive groceries etc is way higher. Sharing groceries should be cheaper but believe me, its NOT. And they tend to take things for granted so it will only get worse.
I have to put up with this because to do otherwise would be to compromise on my studies. I won't go into the nasty details.
Bottomline is: Bail out when u can dude. For me, fortunately my "ORD" date is soon.=)
i was just thinking, your roommate seems so unlike you, from what i can gather from her LJ. how did you both wind up living together?
imho, although anonymous commentators are general asswipes, this fella does have a point on the second go.
first comment, however, still dictates he is yet another factory-produced asshat, with perhaps a slightly larger common sense module somewhere in his brain.
lol j. interesting post. i could relate to the mental ticker a-hell-lot.
anon1: not bad, though you could have made a couple comments about my height; i'm more sensitive about that than my writing style, which i think is awesome. 3.5/5.
chico chino: haha...you have a blog called de puta madre? i have a friend who just made a post about puta madre. it's cool. thanks for being on my side, i guess.
OLT: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! WHAT A GROSS THOUGHT! On another note, though, she'd never do that.
c.: I dunno man. I seriously doubt it. She's too busy to read my blog. As for how we ended up living together... well... she was going out with a good friend of mine, and we hit it off...you know, we could chat about a lot of things and get along. Maybe it was partly one of those 'new experiences' things. Who knows?
airhole: KARATE CHOP! HAIYAH!
gerald: aiyah, it's not so simple lah. the situation is more complicated than splitting things down the middle. i wish it were that easy.
darth sid: meh; it adds a bit of atmosphere, i figure.
anon2: haha...we're not living together next year (she doesn't want to live with me, and my response to that is another post in itself) but you know what, you seem to be pretty much right about why things sometimes don't work. I guess the main thing is that she and I are fussy about totally different things. I mean, I'm pretty fussy for a guy - I like things clean, I like to save money on electricity, I like to do the dishes as rarely as possible, etc - you know what I mean, I'm sure. Anyway, I'm living with a dude next year (or at least I should be, once we sign the lease) so it should all be a little...well...different lah. I'd say better, but then, who knows? I'm a bitch.
wongcheok: i'm sure the two anons are different; you know, the second guy is pretty cool, i think. As for the first, meh, whatever. and yeah, that damn mental ticker. To be honest, it annoys me sometimes. I hate the ticking!
mango: haha...yah...chilling, lah - just sometimes i get a bit frustrated, that's all.
she was going out with your friend, and you and her decided to live together?(???) where's the friend-in-question living then?
"Just so you know, I've stopped answering msn messages, locked up my playstation, and stopped reading other blogs. I am really writing!"
Don't lie! you checked my blog out today right?!
You didn't? How dare you!
eh, I hope anon2 is wrong, because next year I'm sharing a house with two girls - or maybe they'll cancel each other out! Anyhow, go and work if you're not done already (which you aren't, I think - or you'd say so).
Dude, you got haters! Cool!
Hey, gotta accept that being famous has its price, no? Anyway, I typed in your blog address, leaving the 'blogspot' out by accident. Went into porn. Should have expected that, right?
fuck! the anons are taking over the world these days!
don't want post my picture up la, shy.. hahahaa.
You've trained a cat to obey you. You rule.
Hmm. Since I didn't really get much brickbats (i am not the same as the 1st anonymous). I shall further share with you some tips. wongcheok, I understand your distaste for anonymity. The reason why I didn't want to use my name because it could have been sensitive plus if I had used my real name it would compromise my flatmate's identity. I do not wish to bad mouth her. I'm still cool with her as a friend, perhaps not so much as a flatmate though.
J:
Yup, thats exactly what I meant. Inevitably, you should stay with more like-minded people. And it is most likely that like-minded people are of the same sex.
Jamin:
You are actually right. Living with 2 girls is better than living with 1, (Taking the assumption that its entirely platonic). I have been in that permutation as well. Better than my current situation.
Reason being that girls are naturally competitive creatures. Both will implicitly compete to 'get along' better with you. Therefore they won't be able to get away with stuff as much as they would like to. But of course you must be firm too.
Some things that you MUST observe. Treat them both equally friendly ? never show favouritism or you will get hell from the other, perhaps eventually even getting both turned against you.
If both are against you, then I wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year in advance, in case you never survive until then.
But personally, I think that dividing groceries individually is always the best way to maintain harmony (and it will actually save u money too!). You can still maintain a 'family' atmosphere by buying groceries/cooking individually but eating together for meals.
Oh one more thing: whether you stay with 1 or 2 or 10 girls, the most important thing is NEVER EVER EVER bring back another girl home for reasons other than 'studying' or 'chit-chat'. If you must persist in extra-curricular activities, then get her to keep the volume down. If there's one thing a girl HATES its hearing other girls..erm..enjoy themselves. Especially in their home ground. Especially if they are not getting any themselves.
But of course, frivolously bringing girls home is not the kind of thing we should either. I myself prefer Mr Right Hand ahem I mean abstinence.
oh one more thing: if u are thinking of sleeping with any of your flatmates (not that you are), DONT. remember the favourtism bit.
As for threesomes, the only thing I know about it is that I have never been involved in one before so I can't help u there.
c: the friend in question is in athens right now, but he was living in his frat house this year. I asked him to live with me at first, though. On a side note, he's DAMN messy.
linda: i'll read your blog straight after i finish my shit lah, miss. i really must work. haiz.
jamin: YES BOSS I GO WORK...knn
AQ: I always get sporadic haters, but I really don't respond to that many, because they're not that powerful. I'm waiting for a REALLY crushing hater. That will be awesome.
hejin: if i get enough readers, my dream is to buy over that domain and make it my own. that would be fucking sweet. i would then put lots of porno up, and make money. HAHAHAHA.
sb: damn easy to make cats obey, if you have a tasty treat ready. i bet you i could teach it to roll over if i wanted. sometimes it's rebellious though.
anon2: power lah... you can make guest entry already, like that. hahaha. as for jamin sleeping with girls, don't worry man, the guy is the most upright, honorable, god-fearing dude I know. I'm his brother, so I should know.
U sound like one of those SSS singaporean guys.
Ok, dude, here I feel I'm qualified to give some advice. Haters grow stronger when you feed them attention. Look at the retarded manchild, for example. An anonymous comment grew within a few days into a hate site, with subtle prods from the master manipulator, yours truly.
My input is that you should just leave the situation alone and build up your thick-headedness towards her actions. Why pick on people's personal habits, prefferences etc? So what if you talk to her, and she changes for like a while then reverts back again?
Believe me, I've seen them all. Been rooming with many people for years now. The best thing to do is to try keep things as seperate as possible, and stay on a friendly basis. Why not? Sometimes people suck and all you can do is accept that your room mate is one lazy girl. Just put up with it, why create a bad environment? Its your place, you can't run away. That's one of the dissadvantages of sharing a place, your problem is very common that way.
Are you sure it's clean?
I see dots on your butt.
kate: wtf is SSS? sup sup soi? if so, i am big fuck, ok. sia suay singapore? perhaps. sibeh steady + swee? definitely. i have no idea what you mean.
aq: i know, but hey, i only want top draw haters, not half fuck standard haters, you know? besides, too lazy to give this guy attention.
anon3: meh, i'm over it for now. gah. but yeah, i'm still a nice guy for most of the time.
unknown: aiyah, that one is the freckles on my buttcheek. actually, i also don't know why lah. i got one full colour one and it looks quite smooth; that one just got fucked up lah. when you photocopy a book also got spot one what.
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