Saturday, May 14, 2005

Writing About Me

Today, someone said that my blog wasn't very personal. Have I said before that I think my life is kind of boring? It really kind of is, you know. I mean, I usually wake up, sit around all day, play games, get on the internet, rue my lack of productivity, and then go out and get a little drunk. Yeah, that's pretty much all I do. Granted, from time to time, I put on a performance of some sort, but I'm sure nobody wants to hear about all the shows that I've been in and stuff like that, right? What silliness!

However, given that it's kind of cool to have a person behind the posts, I figure it's about time I do a bit of self introduction - you know, for the readers who don't know me at all.

First, my last name is not Schnorng, alright? My first name is not J either. My name, for those of you who want to know, is Joel. Joel Tan. It's not like it's been a goddamn secret; if you'd done a bit of clever clicking, you could have figured that out a damn bloody long time ago. I just don't like giving out my name on the internet, well, mainly because, why the fuck should I? A couple people have been asking, though, so I guess, to avoid annoying questions, I will tell you! Then the next time people ask my name on the internet, I will say, 'FUCK YOU! NEVER READ MY BLOG IS IT? STOP WASTING MY TIME.'

Man, I feel like I'm on a fucking game show, and I'm introducing myself.

Joel Tan, 23, male, Singaporean from Chicago! Pleased to meet you! Big money big money big money!

What else should I tell you about myself?

People often say I come across as being ridiculously smug. I'd say that, if you had a brain as horribly large as mine, you would probably be smug from time to time yourself. Some people speculate this is all overcompensation because of my relative lack of height. Naturally that is all bullshit. I once read this guy's blog, and he said that he thought I had a Napoleon complex. Meh, what the fuck does he know?

Other than this, I'm nothing at all like my first impression. You know those people who always act one way and aren't really like that at all? I suppose I'm sort of like that. Don't give me all your 'be true to yourself' crap, alright? I don't want to hear it. You're full of shit, and I have a perfectly good time being an asshole. Or at least pretending to be one.

My ambition in life is to make a lot of money without having to work for it. Please help me achieve this aim by giving me money. I will drink beer with you if you are cool. If you are paying, I will go eat dinner with you also. And drink beer. And go shopping. I love people who pay for me. They are my favourite people ever.

I'm sure you're tired of this game by now. If you still want to know more about me, though, ask me questions. Since I'm supposed to be writing my BA, I will do Q & A on my blog! Hurrah! This way I can spend less time writing posts. Everyone wins! To be honest, I feel like the quality of my rants has gone down a little, seeing as to how I'm so distracted. Ask me stupid questions; I can give stupid replies. If your questions don't beget fun answers, though, I will not reply them.


Nah... Shortphat K give you all blog babe


Blogger Claris spewed forth...

oh is tt a sugar mummy u are looking for?

14/5/05 05:07  
Anonymous elise spewed forth...

darling! the clock is ticking! you procrastinate & fuck around almost as badly as i do. i’m a pro when it comes to internet shopping/surfing & getting people to but me stuff. i’m the world champ as far as drinking instead of doing science goes. go somewhere & hide from the internet. you have a little over 24 hours. you're making me tense.

14/5/05 07:41  
Blogger Gabrielle spewed forth...

eh lotsa girls do like to flirt with u ya?!

14/5/05 10:47  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

That sounds....a bit like me. I'm beginning to suspect that most guy bloggers who are funny and interesting on the internet are actually quite quiet(errr...yeah..) in real life. Something like online personas or something. Or maybe I'm all wrong and you'll say: "Due to some misunderstanding from people who always like to pretend they think they know what I am writing about, I'd rather take down the whole post. Go figure." or something like that. Heh.

14/5/05 12:01  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

sb: Yes, I'm pretty quiet in real life too. (Somehow I doubt anyone will believe me)

14/5/05 14:15  
Blogger CELLE spewed forth...

i dun believe ad is quiet in real life.. he's a jovial, fun bloke and he parties like a loco... how to believe???????????????

14/5/05 14:58  
Blogger Hai~Ren spewed forth...

LOL. So... to start the ball rolling. What's the origin of the nickname 'J Schorng'?

14/5/05 16:35  
Anonymous Jamin spewed forth...

he's not particularly quiet in real life, actually : ) but nobody asked me, hee hee...

14/5/05 19:12  
Blogger mangotree spewed forth...

hhhmmmm.... i think u r chicagoan from singapore.

14/5/05 19:19  
Blogger Ah 9 spewed forth...

im quiet in real life too, unless i meet someone who's on the same wavelength...can talk kok forever type. :P

14/5/05 23:58  
Blogger Darth Sidious spewed forth...

"Joel Tan, 23, male, Singaporean from Chicago! Pleased to meet you! Big money big money big money!"

Cracks me up..

15/5/05 02:48  
Blogger Sancia spewed forth...

recommended blog babe: singaporean dawn yeo from the US of A. (

15/5/05 04:07  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Celle: Aww, thanks babe.

15/5/05 08:50  
Blogger Gabrielle spewed forth...

i'm rather quiet in real life too...

15/5/05 09:10  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

claris: why, you want to apply is it?

elise: I have hidden. I am writing.

gabrielle: WHERE GOT? DON'T HAVE LAH. Also yah, I'm kind of quiet lah. From time to time. But then, as my brother says, at other times, I'm not that quiet.

sb: I don't think I ever take down posts. Or at least, I very, very, very rarely do. I mean, if it's been posted, you might as well leave it, right? So silly, this put up, take down charade. It's like playing a game and saying, 'here I show you... eh wait, now cannot show already, keep back'. So retarded.

AQ: Haha...I believe you have a quiet side lah... that's what I was sort of getting at.


hai~ren:'re the only one who asked a question, I think. I'll get to that post eventually.

jamin: YAHLAH. KAO PEI. EH FASTER START A BROG SO I CAN LEAVE COMMENT LEH! If not blog, then at least a livejournal lah - can make it frens only. Then I'll know what the hell is going on with you.

mango: hahaha....saying i not singaporean isit?

9: YAHLOH! Exactly, man! HI FIVENESS!

darth sid: thanks, man. now where's my big money?

sancia: haha...that one people recommend before leh. outdated liao. thanks for the effort though.

15/5/05 15:05  
Blogger Linda Chia spewed forth...

Eh, answer hai ren's qn on your 'J Schorng' origins lar!

maybe it's just me, but it gives the illusion of a big dick whenever I read it...

16/5/05 04:49  
Anonymous Jamin spewed forth...

kpkb on your brog more fun leh... I no have time to write my own ; )

16/5/05 05:07  
Anonymous yj spewed forth...

I kept reading about this loud "Big Fuck" dude but never quite realised I'd met you in real life (albeit years and years ago, in the dank recesses of my JC memories). Small internet. Hello!

16/5/05 13:52  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

linda: soon's not even a fun story, which is why it's kind of pointless. long (and tedious) story short is that I just wanted something hard to pronounce. It's one of those relics from sec 3 that you never get rid of, you know?

jamin: ok lah ok lah, as long as you remember to come and kpkb so i know you're still alive.

yj: haha...yah lor...small world hor. singapore is damn small, anyway, lah.

17/5/05 04:56  
Anonymous eekyooh spewed forth...

Q: Were you ever an Ah Beng/are you still one?

q: Do you have a girlfriend?

Q: is one of the reasons why you dowan to tell your roomate off becos deep in the recesses of your mind there might come a day when you would need to sleep with her and if u ticked her off she wont sleep with you?

Q: What is your exact ht anyways?

Q: will you go out with me?

17/5/05 07:49  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...


1) I am not an ah beng lah. Wah biang. I got lots of ah beng friends, but I'm, if anything, a super ang moh beng. How do you define ah beng anyway? Aiyah, I'm not lah. End of story.
2) No, not right now, no girlfriend.
3) Perhaps it is, but if this is so, it is only in the same way I would need to sleep with any attractive woman. Mainly I'm just shy, and very bad at saying nasty things.
4) Don't be cheeky. I might post about this if I ever get a decent camera, but don't hold your breath.
5) If you are a chiobu, I probably would. Email me your picture or something. Hahaha.

17/5/05 13:10  
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