Thursday, May 12, 2005

Rant for Your Life!

So, I figure that, since I'm not really working at this moment per se, I might as well be blogging, right? It's been a while, and I feel almost as if I've been neglecting y'all. Don't take this to mean that I'm done with my hiatus, though. I'm hiatus-ing my hiatus, and then I will re-hiatus, ok? I still need to graduate, you know!



Anyway, it has come to my attention that a fair number of readers take a good number of things I say on this blog fairly seriously. This, quite frankly, is bloody alarming. Granted, occasionally I do say things that I am dead serious about. For example, when I say things like, 'I am awesome,' you know that I'm serious. My awesomeness is fucking well documented. I actually think I said something about issues of credulous fools in my drunken entry. For all the credulous bastards in the audience, however, I feel it's important to state the obvious a couple more times. Given that this is bigfuck.blogspot.com, and not fucking sesame street, however, I'm not going to do this in a straightforward manner; you can say I do this because I am a long-winded bastard. This is only partially true. The real reason why I do this, is because I'm a fucking clever long-winded bastard.

ALRIGHT. Now, down to business. how exactly do you tell when I mean something and when I don't? The best way to answer this question (discounting my preferred answer of, 'I'M ALWAYS DEAD SERIOUS, YOU DIPSHIT') is probably with another series of questions. In fact, let's make it a quiz! You know, I really love quizzes, or at least giving them. I hate people asking me stupid ass questions, regardless of whether I know the answer. I know I'm fucking smart, and I don't like having to prove it. However, it's always wonderful when I can point out to another human being what a dumb shit he is. This is awesome.

QUESTION ONE. You read on this blog an elaborate plan to kill everyone and poison the water table, or do something nasty like that. Do you a) laugh it off, b) assume columbine is going to happen all over again, and try and track me down, c) leave a concerned message counselling me or d) buy guns, so that you can take me down first?

Do you have your answer? Ok, let's analyze the options together! If you picked option a, you should stop giggling so damn much. What are you, a little girl? Fuck you! Real men guffaw, and drink beer. If you are actually a little girl, I suppose option a was a good choice. Hurrah!

Let's look at option b. You obviously have too much time on your hands, especially if you don't live in chicago. What the fuck are you trying to do? Have you been reading any of this shit at all? I'm TOO FUCKING LAZY to kill things, you dipshit. When you finally track me down, I'll probably be drunk, belligerent, and playing winning eleven. Seeing as to how I just got a new ps2 multitap, you'd be able to join me for a while, but if you're a lame asshole, I'm kicking you out of my house. Just so you know in advance.

Moving on, option c. I love these 'concerned message' people. HELLO! DO YOU THINK I GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU SAY? The answer to this question, of course, starts with an 'f' and ends with an 'uckyou'. Some of my friends leave concerned messages, but at least they email me. I am thus more likely to respond. Also, the fact that I know them makes me slightly more likely to give a shit. Cool.

Finally, option d. What the fuck was option d again? I forget. Ah, fuck it. It was a stupid option anyway. If you picked it, you are a dipshit.

I know, you must be saying to yourself, 'wait a second, what was the right answer?'

Here's a clue. The right answer start's with 'f' and ends with 'uckyouifyouthinktheanswerisfuckyouagain'.

Yes, that's right, THERE IS NO REAL ANSWER.

You know what? There isn't even a second question! I wrote the fucking disclaimer on this site for a reason, you know!

Ok, we're done here for today. I have to get back to writing.

Today's Blog Babe: kamanzee; granted there aren't that many pictures here, and the ones there are aren't necessarily stunning, but man, I figured I'd give you guys something to read today. Some of the things this lady writes are really fantastic. By which I mean freaky. She's cool though; she likes my blog, you know!

EDIT: So, I was about to step out of my house, and I put on my jacket, because it's cold today. Since I haven't worn my jacket since last week, I only just realized that there was this paper bag in my pocket. Opening it, I found ... A PIECE OF BAKLAVA! Yes, it may be almost a week old, but hey, it still tastes good to me! I am suddenly in a much better mood. Just thought you should know.

19 Comments:

Blogger Ah 9 spewed forth...

is that weed in a guise of a cigar??

12/5/05 02:55  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

I believe you mean credulous fools. Incredulous refers to unbelieving. Please don't answer to that with a word that starts with a f and ends with a uckyou.

12/5/05 03:07  
Anonymous Ron spewed forth...

enjoy more life is a good things..

12/5/05 05:54  
Anonymous c. spewed forth...

that's probably the best blog babe you've posted in a long while.

12/5/05 07:29  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Hahaha, I wonder how many of those who take your blog literally are also fundies?

12/5/05 08:16  
Anonymous lsm spewed forth...

that's the kind of girl i like. down-to-earth, not vain, not bimbotic, and she's quite interesting. and i usually can't stand your choice of blog babes.

12/5/05 08:27  
Blogger Claris spewed forth...

cigar! yummy

12/5/05 09:21  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

9: WHAT YOU SAY????? Just because I have long hair in that pic doesn't mean I'm a hippie, OK!

sb: You are clever. I see you smirking. Stop fucking smirking, it's damn annoying. Smartass.

Ron: errr....ok. MORE GOOD THINGS!

c: thanks...i guess.

AQ: how do you know I am not a fundie? MUAHAHAHAHA.

lsm: haha...good, lor.

claris: eee! those things give you cancer leh! then not pretty liao.

12/5/05 10:24  
Anonymous echa spewed forth...

i didn't choose one of the options, i only read =D

12/5/05 11:19  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Well, I don't. I was just wondering about whether fundies would be more inclined to take you literally, that's all. I doubt you're one, though.

12/5/05 11:41  
Anonymous c. spewed forth...

heh, after lewinsky-gate, cigars have taken on a new meaning, though. (or rather, just a more publicised one, maybe.)

12/5/05 17:56  
Blogger Green Ogre spewed forth...

Hey,
Just to check with you. Can I link you up?

12/5/05 21:08  
Blogger Shortphat K spewed forth...

Eh, no hiatus liao ah! woohoo....new blogbabe: http://www.littleyukiling.blogspot.com/
sibeh chui picture ahhh!!!

12/5/05 21:22  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

echa: wow. you're so smart. you win a prize. it's the 'i don't really give a shit' prize. i hope you're happy with yourself, smartypants.

p.s. i don't mean to be sarcastic, i just couldn't help it.

AQ: perhaps they would. hey man, my family is uber religious, can? seriously.

c: i have no idea what you are talking about. i am innocent of innuendo.

green ogre: aiyah, of course, lah! i put all the buttons there somemore! don't be shy!

shortphat: STILL HIATUS LAH! YOU THINK I SO FREE AH? ONE DAY ONI!

12/5/05 21:34  
Blogger ~*Starryluvly*~ spewed forth...

whoo hoo baklava!! it's kinda creepy how long those things stay edible - I've eaten a single humongous piece over the course of a week...

oh, and i've finally posted some pics ;)

12/5/05 23:45  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Heheh, ok. I'm very religious too. I'm damned devoted to my worship of Me.

13/5/05 07:27  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

I'm not clever, I'm just a Grammarian(from flame warriors). That's nothing to be proud of. Besides, I'm not smirking, I'm just laughing.

13/5/05 12:27  
Anonymous Jamin spewed forth...

gosh, being a ninja would be so much cooler than being a student.

14/5/05 19:14  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

starry: haha...you want to be blog-babe-d, issit?

aq: you heathen. hahahaha.

sb: I CAN STILL SEE YOU SMIRKING.

jamin: I AGREE! LET'S GO BE NINJAS! Unfortunately though,
1) I don't have mad ninja skillz (my mad ninja skillz are amateur level only, not pro level)
2) Nowaday, no work for ninjas. Bad economy, mah.
3) Ninjas don't get all the glory, because they must be secret secret one.
4) If you're a ninja, you can die. As in, not kidding, I poke you and you roll over pretend to die type. Can REALLY die one. DANGEROUS, SIA!
On another note, though, I downloaded god of war, tekken 5, dmc 3 and a whole lot of other games I think you would be a LOT better at than me. This summer you got games to play liao.

15/5/05 15:12  

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