Friday, May 06, 2005

The Big Post o' Hate

Frustrated by my inability to do any work of any sort whatsoever, I shall rant at everything, because there are some things that just fucking need abuse once in a while. Today I was doing what I always do (i.e. reading blogs) and I came across a couple 'people I hate' entries. You know, the type of entry that's basically an extension of those friendster 'dislikes' columns. To be fair, the ones I read were significantly better than the normal 'dislikes: liarz, cheatz + flirtz, teehee' variety of nonsense that you see every day. Adrian spiced his up by saying how he would kill a bunch of dudes, which is usually pretty fun. Sancia... err ... I can't remember what she said, but I remember thinking that, when nice 'no-smoking, no-doping, saving-themselves-for-marriage' type girls like Sancia start writing about people who piss them off, it must be a sign that hating is coming back into fashion. So, off we go! Let the hatin' begin!


This picture makes me laugh for no reason. FUCK STUPID PICTURES

1) I hate attractive people. By which I mean attractive people who won't make out with me. Or attractive guys, because I am not a gayboy.

Damn those good looking people! Hot girls who make out with me are cool. All the rest of them, though, damnit! Every time I look at good looking people, I think, 'man, those people must think they're the shit, since they're so good looking. If I was better looking than them, I'd walk back and forth in front of them and think to myself, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHO'S ATTRACTIVE NOW??? LOOK AT MY ATTRACTIVENESS AND WEEP, FOR YOU ARE ONLY SORT OF ATTRACTIVE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! but unfortunately I'm not that attractive, so I have to walk around in front of them and think to myself, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!! I'M NOT AS ATTRACTIVE AS YOU BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!!! YOU'RE NOT COOL! I'M COOL!!!!!! I'M TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL!!!!!'

Fuck attractive people.

Literally, I suppose.

But don't let me know about it, or I will hate on you too.

2) I hate people who have real lives.

WHAT, IS THE INTERNET NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, YOU ASSHAT? All these people poo-poo poor geeks, saying things like, 'oooh, lookie at me, I drink sooo much alcohol and go out and dance and shit, I'm so cool! You dorky people on the internet, you guys are losers!'

Well, you know what I say to those fuckers? I say, 'all your base are belong to me, asshat.'

They go, 'what you say you dork?'

Then I go, 'yeah, you missed that video, and it was rulest. I caught it though, because I'm real tight with the internet. Dumbass.'

Speaking of which, what's this whole deal with the popular maxim 'you can't blog if you don't have a real life'? That's the biggest load of crap I've heard, ever! Look at me. I sit at home all day, wear the same two singlets which I never change out of, and have my eyeballs glued to my computer. I spend so much time in front of my computer that when I turn off the lights, I'm still glowing like the Incredible Hulk. This is not because I am a dork. It's because I'm a badass. Fuck y'all if you contradict me. I am the rulest.


I no longer have this hat. FUCK THIS HAT.

3) I hate those bastards who think they're better than me.

I don't care if you think you're better than the whole world, or better than a certain gender; I don't care if you're arrogant as fuck. This is all cool with me. If you think you're better than me, though, you have another thing coming, fuckface. The other day I was walking home, and someone was walking real fast, and he walked faster than me. I immediately thought, 'fuck, who the fuck are you, asshole? You think you're so damn important, don't you? You're thinking, oooh lookie at me, I'm walking oh-so-fast because I'm so-fucking-important!'

Well, I walked faster than him and overtook him, and thought to myself, 'that's right, bitch.'

Guess what?

He OVERTOOK ME AGAIN!

What an asshat! I set an imaginary line, like, half a block down the street and pretended it was a race; we were neck and neck just about until the last second (because I was being nice, and didn't want to defeat him by TOO much) when I lunged forward and crossed the line. I flung up my hands and jumped up and down, like I had just won the 100 meter dash in the olympics, because I'd beaten the skanky little fucker to the finish line, which he didn't even know about, because he's such a clueless little shit. I swung my hands in the air and thought, 'MUAHAHAHAHHAA! YOU DIPSHIT! I JUST BEAT YOU! FUCKHEAD!!! HAHAHAHAHA!'

He just kept on walking though.

Fucker.

4) I hate people who hate.

Don't hate, hating sucks. You think you're such a hotshot hater? Well, I hate you. Your hating skills are worthless! All you are is a little bitch, going bitch bitch bitch, I'm so cool. FUCK YOU! You are just a bitch. Real haters go out and burn things down and kick ass. If you go and burn things down, and kick ass, guess what, I HATE YOU TOO. Laws are meant to be observed, dipshit. If you get such a kick out of breaking the law, why don't you cut off your dick and rape your own asshole, buttface? If you can't hate yourself, you're not fit to hate at all! Next time go out and do it properly! Fuckhead.

5) I hate myself.

Fuck! I hate myself! Fuck you, big fuck, and your fucking stupid entries! Why do you have to say fuck so much? Are you a fucking fucker? Is that the point? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about because all you say is fuck! FUCK! I mean, if you fucking said something in english sometimes, you might be understandable, but instead it's just fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck all day long! FUCK!

Fuck, fuck fuck! FUCK!

6) I hate fuck!

Fuck!

7) I hate shitty people.

Shitty people are really stinky. This makes them stinky fuckers. Fuck stinky fuckers.

8) I hate smokers.

All of you are going to DIE! Ok, so am I, but you are going to die SOONER! FUCKERS!

9) I hate non-smokers.

DON'T BE A LITTLE PUSSY! CIGGIES ARE COOL!

Oh, I hate ex-smokers, too - NOBODY LIKES A FUCKING QUITTER!

10) I hate the whole fucking world.

FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Ok, I'm done hating now. I'm going back to work.

Today's Blog Babe: Angel of Night; for this one, you must click on an external link to see all her pictures. But then, don't just look at pictures, hor! Go and read her blog, and see if you have what it takes to be her sex slave. I'm guessing probably not, since FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I HATE FUCK!

Sorry, I had a bit of residual hate left. I will stop now.

Oh yeah, by the way, now I'm REALLY going on a hiatus - the thing is, every time I have more than 20 comments, I feel an irresistable compulsion to write another entry. I know, I'm screwy. Hopefully this post was shit enough that nobody will say anything about it, and I can get back to writing my shit.

29 Comments:

Blogger Shortphat K spewed forth...

Ok now!!! Everybody write comments!!!

6/5/05 02:27  
Blogger suspiciousbastard spewed forth...

Nope. Wasn't bad enough. Yeah, the hating thing is back in style. I'm going to write something about it tomorrow(which was influenced by sancia). Oh, and if you hate the whole fucking world, you can't rule it. You gotta destroy it by setting us up the bomb.

6/5/05 03:51  
Blogger Ah 9 spewed forth...

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

HAHAHAHA.

6/5/05 04:33  
Blogger CELLE spewed forth...

I HATE haters too!! It's sooo tiring to hate.. geezz...
I dont hate anything.. peace*

6/5/05 05:00  
Anonymous VampTreSS spewed forth...

WooOOooooo

I'm a babe..

I feel good..

Thanks hamsem.. *winks*

Would u like a quickie now?

MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

We dun have to fuck if u dun wan to.. Just lick my boots wearin ur underwear over ur head.. That should do the trick.. *lick lips*

6/5/05 05:12  
Blogger Adrian spewed forth...

Yeah, I did that overtaking thing before too. Some people are just fucking asswipes who don't recognise greatness, lah.

6/5/05 05:31  
Blogger Jiameei spewed forth...

I tried to count the 'fucks' there were in your post.

But I gave up after the fifth paragraph.

You da fucking bomb.

6/5/05 06:30  
Blogger Porkster spewed forth...

i seriously think you are PMS-ing.

u need help.

6/5/05 06:57  
Blogger Gabrielle spewed forth...

Once upon a time, Miss Peace was prancing along the woods on a lovely day.

Mr I-hate-everyone jumped up and scared Miss peace. Miss peace stumbled and fell into a puddle of mud.

Mr I-hate-everyone laughed. He laughed horribly.

Miss peace, who doesn't know how to hate, started to cry. She was dirty and smelly now. She don't like to be dirty and smelly. So she cried.

Everyone heard miss peace and came to beat mr i-hate-everyone. Mr i-hate-everyone now hate everyone even more.

And everyone hates mr i-hate-everyone. So mr i-hate-everyone began to grow bigger and bigger until he crushed everyone.

He laughed an evil laughter and exploded and died.

Everyone died and became extinct.

6/5/05 07:18  
Blogger Wongcheok spewed forth...

somebody set you up da bomb, j!

6/5/05 08:50  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

what the fuck??? you have so much fucking hatred to everything and everybody... does love matters to you anymore? *vomit*
Yeah.. I am also fucking bored online...

6/5/05 11:28  
Blogger shuddupfirst spewed forth...

i also fucking hate veryone. I hope everyone fucking die!! except for me of course!! maheiaur

6/5/05 12:07  
Blogger - Ciel ru spewed forth...

Lol. Happy hating then. Anyway the overtaking part is very funny. haha

6/5/05 12:21  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

shortphat: HAHAHAHA! YOUR EFFORTS ARE DOOMED TO FAILURE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

sb: i don't really hate anything, to be honest. i often say things i don't mean. besides, before someone set us up the bomb, i have to make my time, and my zero-wings aren't ready yet.

9: HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.

celle: indeed. peace. yeah.

vamptress: hahaha...i don't do the boot licking thing, but I'm sure we can work something out.

AQ: yeah. those asswipes. they can smell my fart. pooooot.

jiameei: use ctrl+f and type fuck, then you can count the fucks easier. good method, right?

porksta: yes, i do need help. help writing my BA. wanna do it?

gabrielle: so who is miss peace and who is mr i-hate-everyone? it reminds me of monty python's fattest man in the world skit. anyway, i don't hate everyone, i'm just being ridiculous.

wongcheok: THOSE CRAZY C.A.T.S.!

anon: there's no such thing as love. there's no such thing as hate. there's no you, there's no me. most significantly, though, there's no you, since you don't even have a name. aum.

IAIA: HAHAHHA! AND NEHNEH! ok that had nothing to do with this.

ciel ru: I recommend imaginary racing to everyone. It's cool.

6/5/05 19:18  
Anonymous sugarrush spewed forth...

wahahhaahhaha.... can't believe your really raced with that oh-i-walk-so-fast-u-can't-catch-me fucker. hahaha... damn boliao lah u..

6/5/05 20:24  
Anonymous Jayelle spewed forth...

LOL! I love the residual fuck bit.:) Nice touch to your hate-fucking entry. Eh, speaking of hate-fucking, u didn't include Hating fucking? :) hehehe.

yeah, go on that hiatus if you need it.. i'm doing it too. education is more important than blogging dude. I learnt it the hard way last semester.

6/5/05 20:54  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

sugarrush: yalah. i'm boliao. blah.

JL: i hate fuck, not fucking. and yes, i'm on hiatus now. but i can still reply to comments, because my addiction needs to be fed.

7/5/05 01:40  
Blogger crazycat spewed forth...

ok, i am helping to add on to the count of comments for this entry..
;p

7/5/05 02:36  
Blogger Hai~Ren spewed forth...

*Main screen turn on*

How are you gentlemen? Move zig for great justice!

7/5/05 07:31  
Blogger sarah spewed forth...

that sounded er.. pleasant. lolz.. (:

8/5/05 04:11  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

cat: haha...it won't work lah; i don't count my own, plus i've really decided to go on hiatus (or at least stick with my post-it a day) for a while.

hai~ren: I need to make my time.

sarah: I hate to be too obvious, but you DO know that i didn't mean a word of this, right?

8/5/05 06:31  
Blogger Sancia spewed forth...

j ! ya the bomb. but haha what hating was influenced by meeeeee! omgosh!! I wasnt writing about hating, just some genres of people that can get really irritating - okiee maybe that was as bad as hating I dont know.

woowhee. why are you on hiatus?

9/5/05 00:30  
Blogger Injenue spewed forth...

you cannot stop blogging. blog away!! i demand my entertainment LOL!!!

9/5/05 01:19  
Blogger J Schnorng spewed forth...

sancia: aiyah, this is a parody post, lah. that's why it's so extreme, you see. hopefully people understand that, when you write things over the top, you're joking, but then, i suppose that most people don't really know me, so they can't tell either way.

injenue: wah biang, i demand my university diploma with honors, but that doesn't mean they'll give it to me on account of my kick-ass blog. you want to write my BA for me?

9/5/05 20:04  
Blogger stephy spewed forth...

the 3 silly ns guys in e pic.. i can't believe i recognise my old friend lionel (furthest right).. lol..

u happen to know him? or was it some random picture?

18/5/05 13:22  
Anonymous Anonymous spewed forth...

heh cool blog you have here!

I noticed you have a nice blog, read all of your links kept me interested for a good time! well done :)

Thanks for a good read instead of some of the other stuff people post here!

19/10/05 18:43  
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