Tuesday, June 28, 2005

When Household Appliances Rebel

There are some days when the little things can really get to you. Today, one of those things is my box fan. I have a box fan sitting on the edge of my desk; I keep it blowing at me so that I don't melt. Unfortunately, due to some totally idiotic construction, when the fan is at full speed (which it is always on, to prevent me from turning into a slimy pile of mush), it has a tendency to move around. I didn't realize this until the fan had lept out of my bedroom window for the second time today; previously, I just thought it was a little depressed. Now that I know it's being belligerent, I'm tempted to beat it with a metal stick until it learns to be obedient.

I tried weighing the thing down with my desk lamp, stacks of cds, as well as potted plants, but the damn fan is just too strong for all of them. It totally has a mind of its own, and hurls itself out of my window every five minutes or so. Right now, I've put it on its lowest setting, and I can feel the sweat coming already.

I think I'm going to need an exorcist or something, because this fucking box fan is totally possessed by the devil.

Damn it, appliances in this house have to learn once and for all that I'm the boss.

Now where the fuck did I put my metal stick?

Today's Blog Babe: L X Y; now with gallery section as well, since I know there are some of you who don't exactly read these sites very carefully. Sort of like me; I mean, I used to read all these blog babe sites, but then, after a while, I realized that I'm really bad at reading.

Monday, June 27, 2005

This Entry Totally Blows

I'm stuck in Chicago until the middle of July with nothing to do. This sucks. I was writing a long, in-depth post about exactly why I am stuck here, waiting for a plane, but then I realized that writing about your travel agent woes is kind of lame, especially when you can't make it very funny. Seeing as to how I'm stranded in the windy city with most my friends gone for the summer, I've resorted to trying to drink my reserve of alcohol while sticking tape to my face; while I'll be one of the first to say how much I love sticking tape to my face, I have to say that it probably won't entertain me indefinitely.

To make things worse, I have absolutely no idea what to write about. Given the fact that I've been, in general, an absolutely craptastic blogger recently, I figure I owe it to my faithful readers to pull out the goods (no, I don't mean my genitalia, you fucking pervert). I'm therefore stuck. It's times like this when you wish you had autoblogger handy.Unfortunately, I'm not sure such a program really exists, so that isn't exactly an option.

I suppose I could do one of those nice reciprocity posts; you know, the ones where you dish out a couple links, spread the traffic around a bit, say how some blogs other than your own are cool and whatnot. I've been reading minishorts a fair bit, and I must say that she's pretty much a mistress of dishing out traffic. I'm still catching up on all the blog entries I missed while on holiday, but I did notice that she finally got round to handing me a role in one of her stories, which was nice of her, even if she did make hurtful comments about my gender, and also call me 'fugly'. Eh, whatever; being the traffic whore that I am, I am obliged to say how cool she is for writing about me.

I figure, though, that I'm bad at dishing out traffic, mainly because I like keeping all the traffic here. What do you mean, you like to read other blogs? You infidels! Other blogs suck, you know.

Other than that, I suppose I could point out a couple of my classic works. Unfortunately, I've decided, upon reading my past entries, that this blog sucks as well. Yes, that's right, my standards are so high that even I can't meet them. This doesn't mean that I have unrealistically high standards. Rather, it means that the whole world sucks. I've been on the internet for about 3 hours straight now, and I can tell you, it sucks tonight. I don't know why, it just does.

Having listed the two options I rejected, I come to the last option - whinging about how I have nothing to write. Given that I spend all of my time whinging, I figure I've gotten pretty decent at it. Man, I wish I had something cool to write about. I wish I had lots of hot babes coming over to give me back rubs. I wish I had a maid to clean my room. I wish the fucking travel agent would get me a confirmed flight home so I could sit at home and vegetate, and then wish I was somewhere else. Oh, life is so hard. I'm going to go get drunk. Oh wait, I'm already kind of drunk. Time to pass out. Fuck.

Hopefully I'll be more entertaining tomorrow.

Today's Blog Babe: minishorts; she wanted to be babe of the month, but hey, you need to send me tantalizing pics to be babe of the month, silly.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Totally Awesome Theme Park Day

You know, I just realized that theme parks are so ridiculously expensive because, more often than not, they're a shitload of fun. Yes, from time to time the lines can be ridiculously long, some of the rides aren't that fantastic, other theme parkers are usually royal pains in the butt, and once in a while, the skies will open up and piss all over your parade, but hey, none of this alters the fact that you're given 12 hours or so to jump on as many mind-numbing, death-defying, stomach-wrenching rides as you possibly can, take as many pictures as your camera will allow and, in general, make a total jackass of yourself. I know - what could be more fun?

Being a seasoned theme park veteran, I figure I've come up with a pretty good method for tackling theme parks. I am a total theme park marauder - today I took my little brother to both of Orlando's Universal theme parks - when we weren't squeezing our way past the lines for attractions, or wrangling ourselves places in the express line, we'd be running from ride to ride. Considering we covered two theme parks in a day (pretty thoroughly, too, I might add), I figure we did pretty damn well for ourselves. I spent all day yelling, 'GO!GO!GO! HURRY! QUICK QUICK IF YOU SLOW DOWN CANNOT SIT ALL THE RIDES ALREADY! FASTER FASTER!' one second, then the next second yelling, 'WAIT! STOP! TAKE PICTURE!'

Yes, it might have rained for about 5 hours (or perhaps 5 billion? Who's counting?) and we might have sat next to a bunch of excitable fat people on some of the rides (you know, those twits who spend the whole ride going 'WHOO!! OH! AIYEEYEEYEEEEYEEE!!!' and occupying half your seat with their overflowing buttcheeks, but hey, all in all, it was still an awesome, awesome day.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Mickey Loves Money

I'm in Orlando, Florida, on my pseudo-godfather's laptop; we've finally moved beyond dialup connections, and onward to the great promised land of wireless internet. Unfortunately, it's kind of hard to do photo-editing with a touch-pad. I tried for a bit, but totally gave up. Fortunately, we can always rely on google images:

'that's right... tell daddy to give me all your money'

For those of you bright sparks who have yet to catch on, I'm scheduled for a visit to the magic kingdom tomorrow. Let me tell you, these play-dates with Mickey and friends don't come cheap. A one-day 'magic your way' pass will set you back US$59.75 per adult. Seeing as to how they define 'adults' as anyone aged 10 and above, I suppose a large proportion of those paying adult fares in the disney theme parks would have barely gotten used to the fact that they're no longer sperm. For a party of five, this comes up to about US$300. Couple this with the fact that there are FOUR disney theme parks in Orlando - The Magic Kingdom, Epcott Center, MGM-Studios and Animal Kingdom, as well as the fact that each ticket only gets you into ONE of these parks, and you're looking at spending a small fortune paying these bastards for the pleasure of waiting in line. We're in Orlando for 3 and a half days, which means we're looking at US$900 to Mickey's bank book. Is it just me, or is this a lot of money?

I've been to plenty of theme parks. You might think that the hefty fees would keep the crowds at bay, but, unsurprisingly, they don't. I was recently at six flags, and in the 4 hours I was there, we managed to get on a grand total of 4 rides. I know, fantastic, right? Given that I spend, say, ten hours, and sit on, say, 10 rides, that will be roughly 6 bucks per ride. Thus, I will be lining up an hour to pay 6 bucks for each ride.

There's obviously a cheaper way - I could always buy a 'magic your money away' pass for 3 days - this would cost US$171 per adult, and would save us a whopping 10 bucks each. Oh, joy. Considering I also want to go to Universal Studio's 'Islands of Misadventure', so that I can give them my money as well, I suppose I'll pass.

So, the question remains, why the hell am I putting myself through this?

The answer, of course, is that Daddy's paying. You're only a parasite for so long, you know, and I plan to make the most of it. If my kids want to get on a magic roller coaster, though, I'll just drive real fast through Genting highlands. Given my wonderful driving skills, that would be scarier than any rollercoaster. I figure my parents have given disney enough money for one lifetime.

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Slow Boat to St. Paul

I'm currently on a dialup connection in St. Paul, Minnesota, the city I (sort of) grew up in. I haven't been here for 16 years, but, somehow, according to what foggy memories I have of it, it hasn't really changed. I mean, they built a monolithic tribute to consumerism called the mall of America (complete with an indoor amusement park) but, other than that, a lot of the city is still how I (very faintly) remember it.

I've been spending the last couple days in the back seat of a minivan, driven around by my parents, and seeing the people who used to play with me when I was about 7. I seriously almost feel like a kid again. There are only so many times you can hear stories about the time you were 5 and proudly told the waiter in the chinese restaurant that you didn't speak any chinese. I mean, it's kind of cool that all these people still remember you, but seriously, I'm almost 24. It's been a long, long time, people.

This whole trip is leaving me really disoriented. I just don't know how to react to all this. I suppose it's good seeing these places, and walking these streets, but, on the other hand, it's really, really, really weird. What do you say to the people who used to be an integral part of your life when you were a totally different person? I seriously have no clue.

I'd show you guys pictures, but this dialup connection is really slow. Next stop: Orlando. Disneyworld will probably be much less awkward.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Middle of Nowhere

I'm currently blogging from Indiana, the land of corn, soy beans and Wal-Mart. It's a nice place, somewhere I haven't been for, well, a little too long, I guess. Today we were led along by the whims of my sister and god-sister; we went out to ride horsies (oh, how little girls love their horsies) and also went to go look at little pretty things. It was alright; long car rides mean that I can sleep a lot, which explains my poofy hair and squinty eyes.

Somehow, everywhere I go, I manage to look silly.

This is me with my mom and brother in Navy Pier. I look silly.

This is me and my mom on horses. I look silly.

Tomorrow we're off to Minnesota, where I will continue to look silly, and not have a computer.

Oh yeah, as a final note, after looking at the source code for Kenny Sia's Singapore Blogger quiz, I have this to say:

1) I was born in 1981, not 1982. I know I look young, but you don't have to make me so young, ok, Kenny!

2) I almost never ever go to Zouk.

3) I am not promiscuous, ok! I am shy. See so shy!

4) I don't understand why Kenny thinks I'm a happy guy. Don't you read the anger and depression on this blog? I'm full of negative emotion, man! How am I happy? I don't get it!

Alright folks. Catch you later.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Which Blogger am I?

So, the other day I took kenny sia's increasingly popular singapore blogger quiz. I'd been checking comments on my blog in my retreat, and I got a couple (meaning, one) comments (ok, fine, i got one comment) from this guy saying something like 'I TOOK KENNY SIA'S QUIZ AND HE SAID I'M YOU'; it was the sort of dumbfounding comment that makes me wonder about parallel universes, before I realize that it's actually referencing an internet quiz.

Somehow, though, this quiz was different. Why? I'll tell you why.

1) Kenny Sia is a funny guy. Everyone says Kenny Sia is a funny guy. You know what? Kenny Sia actually IS a funny guy. I had to say it so many times because I resent people being funnier than me. THE BASTARDS! WHY ARE YOU GUYS FUNNIER THAN ME? FUCK YOU GUYS.

2) I am one of the possible answers. How kick-ass is this? Haven't you ever wanted a quiz where people can say 'hey, I'm you?' Naturally, I had to go and take the test and see if I would be me. I've always wanted to be me, I hear being me is kind of cool.

OK, so I went to take the quiz, and lo and behold, it pronounced me Mr. Miyagi!

I figure, you know, being Mr. Miyagi is pretty cool. He's a cool blogger. Everyone seems to be going on about how cool he is. But, you know, I'm cool too, and I like being me. I clicked the 'back' button, and filled out a couple questions different. Lo and behold, I got:

I tried it a third time. Still Miyagi. Maybe I wasn't changing enough answers. I revamped all my answers, thinking long and hard about what Kenny would think I was like, and I came out...

By now I was frenetic. I changed answers like mad, shifting things here and there - kenny should know I have a shitload of music on my computer, he should be able to guess I was born on or around 81, and perhaps he would know that I thought episode 3 sucked. I changed all the other answers around, then I found that suddenly I was...

Ok, actually first I got finicky feline, but then that was such a freak incident that somehow, when I decided to write a blog entry about this fiasco, I couldn't get myself as a result.

Finally, I tried to get myself, the old-fashioned way. I read entries written by people who had gotten results proclaiming them 'big fucks'; I read the description Kenny wrote of me. I read a whole bunch of stuff, and contrived to get the answers just right, so I'd get to display a sticker saying that I was me, so that I'd pass Kenny Sia's newly given identity test, so that I could say, damn it, I'm the real big fuck.

After all my effort, I came out xiaxue. Damnit Kenny, I give up. What do I have to do to be me?

Monday, June 13, 2005

Police Come Already!

So, having graduated on saturday, I met my parents at the airport on sunday afternoon. As it stands, I have my parents, my pseudo-godparents, my brother, my sister and my godsister all sleeping in my bedroom and living room. Having bundled them off to the museum of science and industry for the afternoon, I finally have a good half an hour with my faithful computer to shoot off a blog entry before we head for the peaceful little town of Terre Haute, Indiana. Readers of my old blog will remember this as the land of corn and soy beans, and not much else. It's recommended for a laid back couple weeks of daily trips to Wal-Mart, and not much else. If you like Wal-Mart, I guess it's not a bad place.

After living alone for so long, though, it's hard to have your parents over. Seriously, it's like the police are here, you know?

Gone are the ciggies (though, to be fair, I kicked smoking a while ago), gone is the mountain of alcohol, gone are the late night sexy, sexy parties. I can't even sit around and play winning eleven all day. Hell, even blogging is hard. Wah, life with the police - it's hard. Somehow, though, given that they're family, I guess it's alright. My parents decided to come in to chicago a full day after my graduation. Given that I don't have a stinking camera (other than my wonderful webcam, which is totally useless and produces stunningly pixelated pieces of trash), I had to rely on my good buddy Andy to take a picture for me. For your voyeuristic pleasure, let me present my only goddamn graduation photo:

Naturally, though, my parents, being Asian, also insisted on taking a whole set of pictures - two days after my graduation. Today we did the normal parental tour of the campus thing, except I had to wear my graduation gown, and feel vaguely like an idiot. Ah well, I figure that's cool, too. Given that I spent a good 38 dollars on the damn gown, I might as well get a little bit more mileage out of it, right? After today, the silly thing is probably headed for a long, long, time spent in the back of a dusty, dusty wardrobe. At least it got worn more than once, I figure.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who've still been reading this blog, even though it's getting dreadfully boring, and I've been so negligent in maintaining it. Things have been hectic around here, but I'll be able to sit down and write shit eventually, I promise. It's great hearing from all 6 (or 5, or 4) of you who left comments, too. You guys are cool. I'll be back in Chicago on the 24th, but you know me - I'll try to check in when I can, yeah?

See y'all later.


Oh, by the way, give you all blog babe today: friends don't let friends date mullets (whatever the hell that might mean); I like this livejournal for some reason, and I don't usually like livejournals. Therefore, this site must be at least ok. That is all.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I'm a Bad, Bad Blogger.

Yeah, I realize I've been churning out pretty crap posts, but between the heat, the pre-graduation ceremony socializing, and my general ennui, I really can't get it together to come up with anything good.

My parents are coming in on Sunday, which means that this place will get even more quiet. I know that, having just come off a super long hiatus, this isn't exactly the cleverest blogging career move I will make, but hey, I figure I'm going to ease up just a teeny little bit, because, hey, you don't have to be awesome all the time.

I love self indulgence.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Chicago is in Heat.

The thing about Chicago is, we're more prepared for the cold than for the heat. Days like this, you sit in your apartment; the heat is horrible, and all you have to fight it is a box fan, which really doesn't go all that fast. You wish for air conditioning. Oh, how you wish for air conditioning. All you have, though, is that fan, the occasional breeze from a generous open window, and a cold bottle of guinness. The heat makes you thirsty, and my water filter can only make so much water, you know.

Besides, a cold bottle is definitely necessary to survive those summer days. The heat, it can really kick your butt sometimes.

After that, there's the 5 minute thunderstorms which hit you in the middle of nowhere; if you're used to tropical weather, you should be fairly adept at avoiding the rain. Here, though, this involves some mega-nimble sleight of body; you have to magically appear and disappear as the rain starts and stops falling. Of course, it doesn't really matter if you're caught in the rain, the dry heat reduces your pouring sweat into something dry, sticky.

Then again, at least the heat keeps you on the move, you know?

The downside with all this drinking (to keep cool) is that your memory doesn't quite work as well, nor does your mind in general, but hey, I'm done, man! I'm gradumacated! YEAH! FUCKS YEAH!


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Graduating is Hard Work

It's 7.41 am, and my world is spinning around like one of those rides in an amusement park. You know, those amusement parks where you spend all day waiting in line, and then get on a two-minute ride, and then go to the next line and wait again, because, hey, you've already paid the admission, so you might as well, right? Anyway, imagine being on the ride for, like, three hours, and getting off, your legs weak and wobbly, your stomach doing the 100 meter hurdle, and your head feeling like it was smashed by a baseball bat (albeit a fizzy, lemon-spiked baseball bat).

I'm going to see Blue Man Group later on today, but man, did I drink a lot yesterday. I'm going back to bed.


Saturday, June 04, 2005

Thrift Store Day

The best thing about thrift stores is that they're cheap. As in, real cheap. I love cheap stuff,

A couple things make thrift stores even better:

1) Half-off day. What an incredible idea!! Whereas you would previously pay, say 3 bucks for a jacket, you now get it for the paltry sum of a buck fifty! I was tempted to pay in change. It felt like I was spending no money at all!

Tada! A jacket and a hat for a buck fifty each! Hurrah!

2) Stylo-ass garbage bag raincoats. It was raining very hard, and we had no raincoats, but the store owner gave us garbage bags. They were cool.

Here I am modelling the latest in rainy day fashion:

COOL RIGHT! I know, I know.

3) Good company.

Yeah, today was an awesome day, but it wouldn't have been cool without a spontaneous companion for the long-ass bus ride / fashion advisor. Ok, time to go out. Catch y'all later.

Today's Blog Babe: cubatastic

Friday, June 03, 2005

Adventures of Evil Fuckhead

I might not draw as well as Daniel Wang (who all of you should check out), but I sure manage to keep myself amused.

In other news, I am done with college. I just have to sit back and wait for my damn degree. I feel awesome! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!

Today's Blog Babe: ryoko, courtesy of Andy; you may have noticed that the monthly blog babe has been taken down, but no new blog babe has been installed for June. Yeah, well, I'm prone to fits of self love, where I decide that my face should be all over the place. Sue me.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Super Pow-Ka-Leow Meme

I've noticed a whole bunch of memes floating around the blogosphere lately. By this, I mean that an alarming number of posts I've read lately have been distinctly meme-inspired, or merely meme posts. It seems like the whole blogging community has hit a wall in terms of creativity or something, so we're all recycling posts and stuff. This is alarming, you know - if this happens, the blogosphere will be taken over by idiots, then what will we do? That's right, boys and girls, we will be SCREWED!

Unfortunately, I am, as always, the last person in the world to stop the rot. In fact, I'm joining in, because I'm one of the world's premier idiots. I have decided to do the all-encompassing meme - the super-kiasu, pow-ka-leow meme.

PART 1: These are the following memes you will satisfy by doing this pow-ka-leow meme.
1) First, there's the musical baton meme. Damn musical baton meme.
2) Next, there's the musical baton meme's stunted cousin, the movie meme.
3) To finish the unholy trilogy of 'how much pop culture I've soaked up like the brainless sponge that I am' memes, there's the literati baton. This one I haven't got yet, which is fortunate, seeing as to how I don't read books because I am illiterate.
4) Next up, we have the interview meme.
5) Finally, we have the sgblogconspiracy meme, because obviously, with all the memes, it's a fucking conspiracy.

I also include my pig from the pig drawing test going around, for good measure.

PART 2: Answer the following questions. If you don't want to answer these questions, you can change them. But you must try to fulfill your meme obligations, ok! Otherwise how will it be a pow-ka-leow meme?
1) Why are we meme-ing?
2) What is your favourite book-turned-into-movie-turned-into-soundtrack that is awesome and why? Also, how much pirated media do you have on your computer/bookshelf/stash and why does this make you cool? If this question is too complicated, an answer like, 'I am damn cool, I listen to funky music and read good books.' will suffice. Extra bullshit optional.
3) Talk about your sex life. If you look at the interview meme, the question behind all the questions is basically, 'got dirty stories or not?'
4) Talk more about your sex life. If there's nothing to be said, tell us something embarassing so we can laugh at you. Failing this, take silly pictures of yourself.
5) Who is behind the blog conspiracy in Singapore and what music does he / she / it / the devil like? State your evidence.

Ok, here are my answers:

1) We meme because it's part of the giant conspiracy, of course. You see, the grand government machinations behind the major Singaporean blogs have all run out of steam already. By getting everyone to meme, then nobody will do horrid, nasty things like criticise the government and get themselves sued. We will all be happy campers and be happy.

Have you ever noticed how a meme is like a form? Answer question 1, answer question 2, answer question 3. You see, on top of keeping us occupied, the government is keeping you well trained; well trained to fill out forms. Every government in the world loves happy form fillers.

Not so happy form fillers would also suffice, though.

2) Given that the government is watching this blog, there is no pirated stuff on my computer. Hell, I don't even have a computer. I access the internet through my collection of radioactive mice. That's why my pictures are so grainy, you see - mice have shitty eyesight. Even radioactive ones.

My favourite book turned into a movie is trainspotting, and it has a cool soundtrack, too. I totally win, because I am awesome.

3) Yesterday I picked up two girls in downtown Amsterdam. We went down one of those canals in a boat, because I am super rich. After this, we went to one of those infamous Amsterdam coffee shops and got so high on drugs which would be illegal anywhere else in the world (particularly Singapore) and then adjourned to a seedy hostel for discovery channel style sex.

What do you mean, you don't believe me? You asked for a dirty story, right? Not enough, is it? You want the colour of their panties? I will tell you. One had the red lacy kind, and the other had mickey mouse. Don't ask me why, I also don't know. These white people are crazy.

One girl said 'I really like the song why by nicole norderman' and I thought, holy cow, it's mr. brown in disguise. That was scary. Then again, it just proved that government agents are everywhere, even in Amsterdam.

4) I don't have any more dirty stories already. Give you picture.

See, we even cover the sexyblogger meme.

5) If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you will realize that I have the most variable writing style, ever. I remember that, at one point in time, some douchebag said I had an inconsistent point of view; guess what, asshole, this is because I am not one person! Remember when i said I accessed the internet through a bunch of radioactive mice? A-HA! I actually AM a bunch of radioactive mice!

I know, you are thinking that I will say I am behind the conspiracy, but you are WRONG! I am fighting the power, undercover. I was going to write a post about how I saved the world the other day, but unfortunately, I screwed up. You see, more often than not, this blog should be titled 'the big fuck-up' rather than 'the big fuck'. So basically, yes, that's it. The government wins again. The conspiracists (so called because they are also racists) always win. Were you thinking otherwise? Please, wise up.

So, who's in charge? Obviously the people at tomorrow.sg, lah! Particularly that James Seng fellow. Anyone who can come up with such a myriad of organization charts must be a government minion. Oh, and mr. brown. Seeing as to how he's so por-pu-lar, OBVIOUSLY he is in cahoots with the government. Nobody loves a good monopoly like the Singaporeans, eh?

charts this nice? MUST be working with the government!

Oh, and they all listen to teeny-bopper music. And eat at MacDonalds. And support Microsoft. All the diversity is a front... a FRONT!


PART 3: List additional rules. For the heck of it.

1) You must follow all the rules of this meme. Particularly this one.
2) You must answer all these questions on your blog. Particularly these ones here.
3) You must post everything on your blog and link to the guy who arrowed you and all the guys who arrowed him because this is a MEME. It has ME in it twice. I am important. I demand your linkage, to support the good fight against conspiracies.
4) Arrow five (or more, also can, I don't care) other people to link to you and answer your stupid questions participate in the community-spirited meme.
5) Ignore all the rules, and just try to finish as many memes as possible in one blog entry. Oh, and link me, because I am cool.
6) Post this letter so that a poor child won't die. IF YOU DON'T YOU HAVE NO HEART, OK!


Dear All:

This is the request of a special little boy who will soon leave this world because he has no arms, no legs, no head and no testicles. By you showing this to as many people as possible, you can give him and his family a little glimmer of hope. That's because on every blog that this is posted on, the White House will donate USD1 towards his treatment. If this is posted on more than 100 blogs, George W Bush will donate both his testicles to this little boy!

On a side note, my balls will also expand knowing that you actually listened to me... but you don't need to know that.

Just think. Instead of that little boy, it could be you one day. Post this on your blog. Its not even your money, just your time!!!


Dr. Kenny Sia
Center of Research into Human Stupidity
University of Uranus

PART 4: Arrowing other people who I wish would link me more often but never link me WHY DON'T THEY LINK ME / whose blogs I think are cool / who I think would oblige me / who I know about because I have no real friends:

1) mr brown, because he's been meme-ing more than normal lately. not at all related to the fact that I want to whore off the traffic from his site a little more. no, it has nothing to do with that. what are you thinking.
3) Don AQ, because he's one of the few people who actually seem to give a shit what I say either way in the blogosphere, and that's mad cool. Oh, also because it will give him something to do other than expanding l.e.w.d, which gets larger and more distended every day.
4) makanguru, because I'm sure that, sooner or later, he'll want a plug for his new blog, and this is as good a plug as any.
5) evelyn lee, because she's a chiobu. Also because her face has been up on this site for so long already, might as well get her to write another useless blog entry glorifying the big fuck.

All of you, please try and finish as many memes as possible in one post, so you all won't have to meme no more. Thanks very much.

PART 5: Good stuff you will get by participating in this meme:

1) You can avoid all memes forever already. Someone arrow you with a meme? Give them a link to the time you did the super pow-ka-leow meme entry and say, 'sorry, did that one already'. If there's a new meme in town, you can just update the pow-ka-leow meme entry. Hurrah! It's like meme vaccination, only it's a meme. Oh wait, isn't that how those vaccines work?
2) You can engage in yet more blog whoring social linking cyberspace community building. This is awesome.

Today's Blog Babe: I ain't blogging to blog (whatever the hell that means); this one recommended by Kenny Sia, ok! I surely feature one, right?

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Go to Hell

So, all that stands between me and ultimate irresponsible mayhem (well, for about two days or so before I have to start with all the end-of-year-administrative bullshit) is a final on thursday which, to be honest, I'm not very motivated to study for. I'm tempted to email the prof, cite domestic troubles, and take a pass/fail in that class; I probably won't do it, but man, I have to say, it's tempting.

So anyway, I was watching the motorcycle diaries yesterday, and there's this part where Che and his buddy are at a leper colony; I was watching this with my ex-roommate, and we had a brief exchange over the scene, which I have paraphrased for your reading pleasure:

Him: Dude, you know how much leprosy sucks?
Me: Yeah man, bits fall of you and shit. It sucks.
Him: So, Jesus spent time with lepers too, right?
Me: Yeah, he healed them and stuff.
Him: Yeah right.
Me: What, what do you mean, 'yeah right?'
Him: He didn't heal the lepers.
Me: Yeah he did.
Him: Dude, it's leprosy.
Me: He fucking healed the lepers, alright?
Him: Why, because it says so in a book?
Me: I happen to believe that book is the word of God, alright? Are you trying to piss me off?
Him: It's still a fucking book.
Me: Dude, this seriously offends the shit out of me. You should know that this sort of talk pisses me off.
Him: Yeah, I know, it's the one thing that pisses you off.
Me: Seriously, man, what the fuck, dude.
Him: Ok, fine, fine, he HEALED THE LEPERS.
Me: That's right. He fucking healed the lepers.
Him: Oooh! Looky at me! I'm Jesus, and I'm healing the lepers because I'M MAGIC
Me: You're such a fucking asshole.

You know, I might not be the best Christian, or even a very good one, but I still tend to get pissed off when people tell me my personal lord and saviour is a fraud. If I were the lord almighty, and I didn't know that my ex-roommate was, in general, a cool guy, I would throw him in the lake of fire out of spite. Naturally, this is a bit of a stretch, given that an almighty god would also be omniscient and stuff like that. I suppose that, all things being told, God is also less spiteful than I am. If he isn't, well, we're collectively fucked, ladies and gents.

Is it just me, or is there very little love for Christianity on the net these days? I mean, I've seen all the 'I love Jesus' blogs (and, to be honest, I don't really read most of them) but, aside from the blogs that are openly Christian, like, 24/7, it seems that there's a lot of blogs with very little nice stuff to say about Christianity in general. To be fair, I don't care whether my beliefs are in vogue or not; I don't believe in God to please people. All the same, though, it'd be nice to read a little less, 'oh, Christians suck because they think everyone else is going to hell,' or 'evangelists suck because I dislike people telling me what to believe'. If I was a better Christian, I'd be an evangelist, too, you know. I remember when I was a little kid, my faith was founded exclusively on a fear of hell. I used to try to get my friends to believe in God, just so they wouldn't have to go to hell, you know, when we all died and stuff. Now, of course, I realize that, even if most of these friends went to hell, I probably wouldn't remember them.

Yes, that's right, I'm not a very nice person all the time. In fact, sometimes I'm an asshole. You know what, though? I didn't make up the rules of my faith, ok? I believe God did. I'm not a perfect dude as a Christian, I'm just, you know, a forgiven one. Don't give me the whole 'what if a mass murderer repents and blah blah blah what about good people, benevolent God, etc, etc,' and all that nonsense. If it were up to me, everyone I liked would go to heaven, and everyone else would get stuffed come judgement day, because hey, I'm selfish like that. Just so you know, though, the last time I checked, I wasn't God. Faith, as far as I see it, is a stretch. I'm believing in something I can't see, don't necessarily know exists, and believing a whole bunch of definite properties about God which we may never be able to prove one way or another. Given that I signed up for the package deal, rather than the simple 'get out of hell free' card (which, I'm told, might not even necessarily exist as an independent offer) I figure that, unfortunately, I am doomed to believe that some people will go to hell. Isn't it more comforting if the people who fill hell, therefore, are those who didn't make the same religious gamble as me?

I just checked again. Nope, still not God. Don't bitch at me about the rules, alright? I didn't make them, I just believe them. I can do that, can't I?

Today's Blog Babe: Amelle; oh, if you guys have noticed, it is June, and I have yet to replace my blog babe of the month. First, I've gotten really shit few applicants. At this rate, I figure I will stop this whole fiasco, especially if applications don't pick up. No girls want free advertising? Can get a LOT of hits, you know! Whatever, lah.